How to get what you want.

Honesty, communication, and respect are what I believe are the foundation for any good relationship, romantic or not. If you want to improve your relationships, you can begin with working on your communication and listening skills. Miscommunication and not being heard quickly becomes anger, resentment, regret or disillusionment.

Tips on communicating and listening:

  1. Don’t assume you know what the point is. Let the person convey what is on their mind before you interject.  When you interject too quickly you are focusing on the previous discussion that was a recycled version of the one you are currently listening to and already expect the outcome to be the same. A fight, resentment, introversion, or accumulated anger is what you are trying to avoid.
  2. Summarize, anticipate, and formulate questions based on what you’re hearing. Strategize by moderating your reaction as the person is talking to you, then respond. The speed in which your thoughts and speech work are two different frequencies. That allots you time to avoid the pitfall of another fight, being misunderstood, or expressing the wrong emotions.
  3. Be flexible in your thinking about the outcome of the discussion. If ultimately you want x, you may have to be able to hear an alternative method.

8 thoughts on “How to get what you want.

    1. Oh absolutely! Not easy by any means! The father’s day post received several letters inquiring about how to manage some of the complexities of relationship and/or parent frustration. So, I tried to create a brief 3 step process of how to effectively listen. I’m developing an article on emotion next. As usual, thank you for your honest comments!

  1. I know I struggle with #1. I start listening to someone and before they’re finished, I have latched on something they have said, and failed to listen to the rest of what they said. I’m working on it. I really am.

    1. Oh, Wilma, so many of us do it all the time & realize how frustrating it is because we keep recycling the same argument and continue to have unresolved emotion. It takes some of us years to endure the pain, it is so refreshing when we can reach a point of closure/acceptance. I can’t wait to hear about your progress!
      This technique does work. Would be interested in knowing of any useful techniques you have found to be effective!

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