Why men are not idiots and women are not crazy

We often talk about the differences between men and women’s communication style. I really think the key to this difference are due to our biology. Men behave the way they do because they can’t give birth, so they try to provide material things. Their orientation to the world is far less emotional and more about material acquisition. Women deliver life which is a spiritual experience that makes us more aware of our mortality and our life choices. Women tend to think and act beyond themselves. Both genders seek permanence, stability and security; but our definitions of these things are sometimes different. Men don’t require the same level of permanence, stability and security as women do. The male ego is far more driven to preserve itself, while the female ego seeks to create stability around her.

Women feel they need to maximize their situations and want to project that moment into the future. Men take their situations and project it just to that space and time. They evaluate personality and character flaws; women evaluate the emotional content that was created in that moment. Women can take that situation and begin to think about what the future will be based on that situation. i.e., if you didn’t wash the dishes after dinner was prepared, we think that you either: a) devalue us on some level; b) don’t want to create an equitable partnership; and/or c) are acting selfishly. All of these choices lead us to believe that our lives will include elements of being devalued, treated inconsiderately, and acting against our self-interest.

Men can examine the situation, deal with the moment, adapt accordingly, and move on. They don’t project that situation onto a lifetime of misery. Most times they have already balanced out what they need before they met you. They don’t dwell on minor details like we do. Men fantasize about the physical; women fantasize about their lifestyle. This is why we are obsessed with shoes 😉

22 thoughts on “Why men are not idiots and women are not crazy

  1. yep, hard to argue with this… and the key to a successful relationship is being able to be at least empathetic to how your partner might think about things differently than you do, something that seems to be very difficult for some to do.

    1. Wow thanks Ben for your insightful comment. I thought I might get backlash from men. You are absolutely right the key to successful relationships is being empathetic to your partner’s differences in thinking. I would also add: conflict negotiation (which has nothing to do with gender it has to do with temper LOL).

      Looking forward to reading your next post.

  2. I imagine men who are overly defensive/sensitive might not be closely following a blog called You’re Just a Dumbass written by a smart, insightful woman. For me though, it’s catnip 😉

    I think it’s important for any adult human being to cultivate empathy with his or her fellow human beings, and it’s doubly important to do so with your partner. One of the big reasons my marriage failed was my ex’s inability to do that, so I’ve gotten even more sensitive about it I suppose.

    Conflict negotiation is definitely another vital skill, something I think my marriage lacked as well — from both sides! My parents fought like cats and dogs when I was a kid, so my instinct is to avoid heated conflict– I much prefer trying to calmly discuss things.

    1. Thanks for the compliment Ben! Glad you find it helpful. I agree the audience for this blog will not be the overly defensive types. Catnip, though? 😉

      I think my next post will be about the differences in fighting styles between men & women. 😉 I think most men want to avoid heated conflict, while women need to vent out all our anger, frustration, and/or anxieties. So, it appears as though we are in a much more heated argument than it really is. When men don’t respond in ways that we want, we throw things 🙂

  3. This is a refreshing perspective unlike the traditional hunter gather explanation. I am very interested in reading more truths from u in the future. I also think that a man would include a woman in his decision making process if he had one in his life. I believe that though it may seem very selfish a mans decision making is ment to include a significant other (or offspring) inherently . I’ll be looking for more from u in the future, thanks

    Johnn

    1. Glad you find it useful, Johnn, and thanks for your insightful comments. Your point is interesting. I think that men need to have that significant other in their lives to round out decisions about lifestyle. Men and women have different approaches to what their lifestyle should be and how to get there. In an ideal world, we influence one another’s choices, while working towards common goals. The difference between men and women is that men are more ego-centered than women. To a woman, who is trying to cultivate long-term plans with their partner and their partner is failing to see that, that can be perceived as selfish. Ultimately, though, I think it varies by degree when one is perceived as being selfish. Each person is striving to achieve based on their self interests. When that is perceived as being attacked, one will become reactive because it is threatening their sense of self. For women, that might mean threats to her “ideal” lifestyle. For men, it might mean they are not achieving/good enough despite all their efforts.

      1. Within these ideas, a couples ability to compromise their individual goals and come to a conclusion would be one characteristic that would lead to success, however is it not also ( and hardly ever mentioned) the desire of partners to strive and work for one another so that all goals are achived or nearly achived is this not what great relationships stem from.

        1. I have found that some people perceive compromise as a negative because it represents the loss of self-identity. However, when couples goal set together they generally achieve greater than what they originally expected. Clear communication about what those compromises entails is the key to success.

  4. Hi. Thanks for taking the time to visit my blog and click on the Like button to my most recent blog post. Your blog is interesting and creative. Keep up the good work you’re doing here. I hope to hear back from you again soon. Cheers!

      1. Just started following your blog today; looking forward to reading more of what you produce here. I hope to hear from you again soon and please do leave a comment on my blog if you feel so inspired. Cheers!

  5. This post is very insightful. It’s true that women move on less quickly than men. We definitely have to get a grip on this. Being the barer of life and naturally nuturing, our emotions are more sensitive. Hence, we tend to feel hurt more easily than men or at least we express or feelings more. In a heatthy relationship, one has to be able to give and take constructive criticism. See Seeta15’s blog post !0 signs He’s A keeper.

    1. Thank you LadyD! I really appreciate it! I think your right, if we were able to take constructive criticism, we wouldn’t jump the gun. AND if we were honest with ourselves. I think it’s so ironic that we (women) are confronted with our mortality differently and earlier than men, yet we don’t always have a better sense of what we need in a partner.

      Gonna check out the post you mentioned. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

  6. Cannot agree more!! Im at an age (28) where everyone is expecting me to settle down and start producing babies As such I spend at least half of every date I go on (consciously or sub consciously) wondering if I could spend the rest of my life with the guy. No wonder I never get very far! hoes are more fulfilling If they hurt at least you can easily throw them without maintaining any emotional baggage.

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