If someone told you relationships are easy, they lied!

Relationships are not easy. They become less difficult over time. Everyone deals with their past differently: some deny it, repress it, aggress it or accept it as part of life’s cycle. The reality is that when you’re in a relationship you are dealing with another person’s experience and issues and your own. Together you are creating a shared experience while learning one another. Relationships are the place that you challenge your own experiences and your perception of how life ought to be. Eliciting emotions out of you while trying to create a healthy relationship is where some difficulties arise because we resort to the mechanisms that were most useful to us prior to the relationship.gnc-edited

Here are some questions to determine the health of your relationship and what mechanism you are using to cope with them when you are experiencing difficulties. Keep in mind that sometimes we are using all of them.

Key #1: Honesty

Question about the relationship: Is the person deceptive to you?

Question for you: Why do you want to live in deception?

Maybe you don’t want to deal with a painful past event/memory and the person’s truth is a painful reminder of it. Sometimes we don’t want hear the truth, so that we can act like it doesn’t exist and for it not to be real. It’s harder to hear things that would help move from a negative state of perception to a positive one, so people that love you want to protect you from what can be hurtful. However, deception creates mistrust and feelings of betrayal, which are harder to build on.

Key #2: Conflict Resolution

Question about the relationship: Does the person blame you or others for their life’s setbacks?

Question for you: Do you make them aware of taking responsibility for their decisions that led to their actions?

Taking responsibility for one’s own actions is a personal thing not a couple thing. It’s based on the individual’s personal decisions and choices. I don’t believe in you get what you deserve. You get what you chose. If the person isn’t learning you and vice versa, you are in a relationship with yourself. You’re treating yourself the way you want to be treated and hoping that the other person will in turn do the same for you (on the same/ any level). Not taking responsibility for one’s actions can lead to devaluing the other person. The person isn’t valuing what you do for them because they have relied on others to assist them. While assistance from others is what all of us need from time to time, when that assistance turns into a negative outcome like a life setback, it can be easy to turn that blame on the person who provided the assistance.

Key #3: Equity in the relationship

Question about the relationship: Do you feel like you give more than you receive?

Question for you:  Why do you feel you have to do things?

Often times people don’t fully appreciate the effort, time and planning related to the things that their partner does. I’m not talking about cultivating romance. I’m talking about daily living and functioning. E.g., If you’re preparing dinner for your partner and prior to you they were used to ordering out or restaurants, they became accustomed to someone else preparing their food. Their needs are being met. The time, effort, and planning isn’t part of their equation so it isn’t reciprocated. That differential is what can cause resentment.

When you look back at anything you got that you really wanted, you’ll see that it took significant sacrifice, time, and effort. That’s what made it even more worthwhile. Didn’t you appreciate it? Didn’t you celebrate it? The same rule that applies to things apply to people.

17 thoughts on “If someone told you relationships are easy, they lied!

  1. great post. for most relationships, an honest caring for the other person, the true desire for the happiness of the other person, and behavior directed to these points are an emotional drive for successful relationships that also should be included in your post. Also hot baths and intimacy work to cure many of the falling outs that occur during the strive for a successful relationship. Remember what works for you when caring and loving yourself then apply it toward your partner. even if he or she doesn’t share the same feelings directly the message will be understood and within the shared experience blissful spiritual representations of love can emerge that will thwart away any doubt that love truly exists. excite the mind in a relationship, but don’t forget to ignite the spirit. i hope all is well with you and yours.

    1. Thanks Johnn for your comments. As usual your insights are appreciated. I agree with you that you should express love in the ways that you express for yourself. From a spiritual perspective, sometimes you are compelled to express it differently and greater than you would for yourself. Conversely, the exchange between the two people will influence the quality of interaction and appreciation for the other and produce a combined effect or at the very least a different version of yourself. You evolve together and become the reason you exist jointly. We have heard a thousand times over: Love has the ability to move mountains.

      Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am fortunate. It sounds like you are too. Not just your level of understanding of optimal relationships, but the hot baths and intimacy 🙂

      1. damn you just made me cry, keep writing i so enjoy reading it. btw my stalking got on my computer last night and hacked my router so I couldn’t get on the net. asshole doesnt think i know how to fix shit like that

        1. I cried because I was amazed by you! Thank you for your encouragement! I’ll tell you it has been challenging trying to organize my articles and thoughts, while I am caring for my mom. Your mind is forced to go places it didn’t want to go to.

          The beauty about life is that people that are consumed in what they think will be the demise of others are really demising themselves. Sit back and laugh! xoxoxo

    1. Thank you so much for sharing my work with your readership! Am truly honored! When my work is shared with others, I am so moved! My intention was to at least inspire one person to experience the fullest expression of love. So, thank you!

  2. Thanks so much for this piece of smart analysis about what we should ask ourselves. It’s sometimes so easy to charge our partner with our own fears, anger and misunderstanding.
    Thanks also for liking my post on delinbondi.wordpress.com
    I’ll keep an eye on your writing.

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