Let’s reframe hurt

Inspired by Mastin Kipp’s The Daily Love.

Love is one of the areas that can cause the most hurt. Whether we are looking for it, dating it, or committed to it; hurt will occur. The way you cope with it can determine how you receive love. We all loveknow of relationships that overcome the most catastrophic life events and those that can’t overcome the most mundane events.

If you were the dumpee/divorcee. Forgive yourself for believing in something that couldn’t be. Ultimately, you believed enough in love that you wanted to see it in all things. Even people that may not be designed for you.

If you were the dumper/divorcer. Be true to yourself and happiness flows effortlessly. Perhaps you loved so much that you thought you could be someone you weren’t.

Begin with you. In both cases, extract what you learned about yourself and what you need going into the next opportunity to meet someone.

Ask yourself these questions:

Are you capable of unconditional love? Have you forgiven yourself for your past relationships? Sometimes you have to let go of the pain associated with the past to be receptive to unconditional love. You might be saying “what are you talking about, you’re just a dumbass, I have & it’s not my fault. I tried.” Yes you did. But, the definitions that you currently possesses might not be completely true to who you are and what you are becoming. The have  been shaped by your past experiences. Since everything in our lives has an origin, locating the source of pain and forgiving yourself for that experience will open you up to an abundance of opportunities for love, success and happiness. Sometimes we have the tendency to focus on what we didn’t get in the relationship and unknowingly keep finding that in the next relationship (or subsequent relationships). Instead, we should balance both the good and bad and focus more on the parts that helped you learn more about yourself. Your character, your nature, or your sense of what you want to become in the future.

41 thoughts on “Let’s reframe hurt

  1. In trueness of self comes trueness of this moment.. no longer allow the past to be a story in you at this moment. It is a vibration that will leave more than residue it will actually cause a repeat of the same very cycle of pain you need to remove from yourself! Amazing post my friend!

  2. My friend I am nothing.. just words along the same line of things just placed in such a way something in you is gravitated towards.. You have this in you.. and when you let it out.. it is quite intoxicating! You are amazing dumb ass… is that an oxymoron? Hope this finds you doing well and smiling as you are inside!

    1. Thank you for your kind words that resonate to my soul and beingness! When I shed what constrains me, I am able to experience it. My desire to have others feel unrequited love sometimes comes at my own expense in the form of frustration 🙂 It is truly a journey that words can not describe. To call it anything is an injustice. You, however, are an exceptional human being, my friend! Thank you!

      1. Two books out already: ‘Dating – the missing manual – you can attract and keep the woman of your dreams – if they had taught this in school alongside algebra and French irregular verbs, my whole life would have been different’ (I love long titles), and ‘Last as long as you want in bed –
        five steps to overcoming premature ejaculation and to regaining control – “It’s not about you”’

        I am working on the ebook versions.

          1. This is the age when anyone can be a writer and we no longer depend on the opinions of publishers – remember J.K.Rowling got about eight rejection slips before anyone would publish Harry Potter.

            I am using print-on-demand for the print versions and doing the ebook conversions myself. Theoretically it’s easy, but I’m a perfectionist so it’s taking a while. An ebook should look good.

    1. Thank you for your very moving reply. You are making me cry! I’m so glad that it was able to begin the healing process. Crying is cleansing. Sorry that I elicited that reaction.

      Please do not persecute yourself. You really did nothing wrong-you loved. We all have been there at some point in our lives. Allow yourself to heal and know that it is getting you closer to the relationship that you are designed to be in. I can tell you are ready for all of your goals, desires and dreams to be actualized. I can’t wait to hear about him!

  3. a relationship is a particle of life, an atom of the element, who’s nuclei we desire to spin in perfection in order to retain the substances properties, at some point however atoms will be smashed into others creating another substance that may be something blissful or possibly unwanted torment. The circumstances that bring forth the smashing and the result in any relationship have to do with the control variables of what,where,why, how and when these collisions occurred. control the variables and keep on spinnin.
    love the article, hope to see more

    1. Thanks for your insightful comments! You said it so much more eloquently and visually powerful than I. For some, tough, it can be difficult to locate the details or sources of pain because they have been so deeply buried. If you have any methods that you find effective that you’d like to share with us 🙂

      Thanks so much for you support! Looking forward to reading more of your insightful comments!

  4. you are providing a great service to all within reach of you, i applaud you. i will continue to frequent your blog and suggest that my colleagues do so as well.
    keep it up !

    1. Wow! Thank you so much I am honored! I truly appreciate you kind words and you disseminating my work! My intent was to help others avoid needless suffering via cognitive restructuring. My life’s work has been in Infectious disease and mental health, where I applied these techniques with robust outcomes. I wanted to tear down the walls of clinics, hospital, cbos, npos, and laboratory settings and be of service to anyone that these words would resonate with. Thank you so much for your encouragement!

  5. I’ve been married to the same wonderful man for 26 years and my interactions with him are still shaped by the hurts from my past. I hate to admit that after so many years, but I think I have things shoved so far into my subconscious and every now and then they show their ugly heads. I’m working on reprogramming my subconscious mind by inputting positive thoughts about myself, especially before bed. I have a very edifying family, which helps tremendously and I’m much better relating now that I ever used to be, but there’s always room to grow and improve. I wonder if unconditional love is ever possible as long as we live in an imperfect world and we carry around so much baggage… certainly worth working toward, however! Great post btw!!

    1. Thank you for your compliment! Congratulations on your 26 yr marriage! Your image only looks like your 26! Your mind, however, is that of pure wisdom.

      I’d like to refer you to a blog that captures the essence of transcendentalism and metalevel cognition: http://clarkkent07.wordpress.com/
      Read his trajectory and you will experience love from a place of both physical and metaphysical dimensions. It is validation that unconditional love can exist within all of us.
      In the meantime, if you’d like to send me some of the details (via email: yourjustadumbassworldwide@yahoo.com), I can create some suggestions for you. I was working on a post today and feel like I have to create a different model. I will be posting some books up for everyone (till then).

      1. Can I ask you a silly question? Are you male or female? Not that it will matter in terms of our blog interactions, but it helps me as I relate to know the hormone type to whom I’m “speaking.” ;D

        1. Wow you know I never had been asked that. I guess I thought my voice and perspective was very female. I think it’s kind of awesome that I come across genderless. I am a woman who is trained as a behavioral scientist and clinician. I try to offer very general advice so I can see how I can see how the question came up 🙂

          1. Ha! With what little contact I’ve had with you thus far, I thought you were a man (perhaps because I can see a man calling himself a “dumb ass” 😀 )… although one of your comments to a post I had written indicated that my words brought tears to your eyes (not necessarily manly:) So, I wasn’t so sure… not that my opinions matter, but I’m glad you’re my female buddy!

            1. Thank you dear friend! Oh, I call myself a dumb ass repeatedly! LOL!

              I am super sappy! I think it is far more courageous to express yourself on the internet than it does in a private conversation. Both take tremendous courage, but the www is a larger community 🙂

              So glad to have you to talk to!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.