Men, keep it 100: how to stop getting rejected online.

These tips are designed to help men deal with not getting contacted back from women or feeling outright rejection.

1. If your interested in hook ups, don’t contact women who don’t have that included in their profiles. The likelihood of you not getting a response is about 95%  (CI=95%, p<=.05).

2. You’ve heard it several times: don’t lie about your height. Women don’t want you to lie about inches.

3. Don’t approach women as though you are placing a bet at a roulette table: covering the spread so that you can get a hit.  (OR=.1, p<=.05)

4. Be realistic. If you don’t think you would have a shot in public, your chances aren’t going to improve online. (OR=.1, p<=.05)

5. If you have multiple profiles up, don’t lie about it. It’s searchable. We’re all trying to find what we want. No one’s gonna judge.

6. Whatever your current life circumstances are, just be honest about it. Ultimately, the person you want to be with will be supportive.

7. If you don’t fit the majority of her match criteria that she’s included in her profile, more than likely you won’t get a response.  That message gets recycled. (CI=99%, p<=.01)

lips

8. Don’t send follow-up emails if you didn’t get a response to your initial communication. It’s all based on probability.  Telling someone anything about you feeling rejected, doesn’t improve your chances of getting a response. All it conveys to us is that you may be immature, ego maniacal, and angry. We usually don’t reconsider men that exhibit those qualities. (CI=99%, p<=.01)

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63 thoughts on “Men, keep it 100: how to stop getting rejected online.”

  1. Hilarious.

    I’ve received EVERY type of email you just indicated and you’re right – I NEVER respond. Nor would most women.

    But I will admit, sometimes, those very idiotic emails make my day. Sadly, not in the way the gents want…but they provide amusement.

    I fully support this list. Good luck gents out there!

    1. Thought you’d like it! Want to make our experience a little bit more efficient on these sites. By helping men reduce their rates of rejection, we don’t have to deal with telling them off/disenrolling from a perfectly fine site! ;)

        1. Well they might. I’ve just posted a link to this on my blog. Also, I have had interesting experiences with different versions of my own profile – in brief, my advice is, don’t be too serious. This is flirtation after all!

          1. LOL!! There’s one in Manhattan, one in DC, Chicago, LA & Boston. If I can do it, trust me, anyone can. I used to be the biggest fraidy ca. EVER. It truly is all about belief in oneself. But on another note, right after I messaged you, I got a message from a guy calling me Angel, telling me his online profile and picture wasn’t even his…groan….

  2. I have a wonderful friend who is giving online dating a try. I will send him a link to this page… perhaps it will give him just the edge he’s looking for :)

    1. I know I could have done the proper thing and wrote a lengthy post about profile picture, words to write in their profile, etc. But, I felt like they can google it or pay for professional reviews. So, why not cut to the chase? Hope it is helpful to him :)

  3. I am that “friend” Marisa talked about. I, thankfully, knew all of the points you spoke of and adhere to them. I have come to the conclusion that, if I receive no emails, then it’s that many I don’t need to worry about. I do find it difficult to understand why someone won’t take the chance of meeting for dinner (at my cost), talking, and, perhaps, leaving as friends. I think, personally, a lot of women online are looking for the “bad” boy type of person (exciting…I suppose). I know that they will find him (them) and will be back on later, looking again as those don’t work out. I am as my profile states. Marisa thinks I am a good guy and that goes a long way in my head as a testimonial even though we never went out, just are good friends. I wish luck to all you ladies out there. Do remember that we are human just like you – don’t overreach in what you are wanting.
    Scott

    1. Thanks, Scott, for your insightful comments and advice. I think that you do have the right approach when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. If you go with the idea that at least you have a pleasant experience or gain a friend, it makes the experience less stressful.

      The majority of time, people aren’t willing to invest in just a night out. Most people know what they want and aren’t willing to deviate from that version of what they want. It’s independent of what type of person they are attracted to. It’s too much investment of time, self, and energy to go on a date with someone that you know you aren’t attracted to. Women actually read through profiles to see what the person is about and determine if we would like to get to know them.

      Ok, let’s play out your scenario. You take a chance & go on a date with someone that you might not feel would be a potential and throughout the course of the dinner you affirm what you already felt. Do you really think that person can be a friend to you or you be a friend to them?

      1. No, interesting thing is I went out with someone new in the last week. I didn’t know enough as to whether she would be good for me or not; I just took the chance. We have hit it off so very well. It’s exactly like prayers answered. Investing in a date is exactly that: you won’t know until you go.
        Scott

        1. That’s great news, Scott! So happy for you! You are right-one never knows! Many people tell me (about their spouses) that they didn’t think they would be together. Luckily, they took a chance. Let us know how the romance evolves :)

  4. These are SO right on the money. I would also like to add that when a woman ‘politely’ lets a guy down, don’t respond by calling her a Bitch and saying she’s ‘typical’ and on and on. This usually happens after the guy has bugged to death and the woman (being gracious) lets him in on the fact she’s not interested. I could go on and on. LOL

  5. Way to nail this one! Although your writings are on point.. this one struck me as WOW… how could we send this to every online dater, women included with a few modifications! My favorite is when I’ve been misled on something obvious, height being the most popular. I can tell when someone is 5’9″ – call me crazy, but, lying right off the bat never renders a successful outcome! Great work! (AGAIN!!)

    1. Thanks so much CountryClaire!!! LOL I wish that all of the online dating websites would post it as soon as someone goes in to create a profile! ;)
      I am always baffled by people overseeing that fact that lying right off the bat is not going to get them what they want. And that’s why the blog is called… :)
      Thanks so much for the compliment! I am truly flattered!

      1. Not really but I do have something to add to comment 3. Sorry to say, it does feel like a roulette table. Judging by the forums on OKC and POF, the average man has a response rate of 1/25 (that is, a 1/25 chance of getting a date with somebody they contact). Between those two sites, I have messaged in the least three months perhaps 100 women and I am by no means prolific. I’m quite picky(ish) and know what I want in a partner.

        I have had responses from 8, been on actual dates with 4 (with a possible 5th this weekend) – and multiple dates with just 1 of those four women. So I’m sure you can understand why men don’t expect to get any responses and see it as a bonus when they do, messaging multiple women every single day in a hope of getting something back.

        It may seem a little mercenary, and I would have agreed before I joined a dating site, but I’m afraid that it is just the way it works. Men still do the chasing… women are still the chased despite being the 21st century!

        1. Valid point! I can appreciate the methodology, just not the execution. It’s that overkill of messages that men do to get a response. Then there are those who send you stock letters!

          You are at an advantage. Most think they know what they want and figure out as they go along. So, I think you might have a much methodical approach than most. I really had no idea that the ratio of contact to actual dates was that low for men.

          Have fun on the 5th date. Are you not entirely intrigued by the multiple date woman? Do yo u also have a strategy when it comes to simultaneous multiple dates and serial dates?

  6. I am entirely intrigued by the multiple date woman (I refer to her as “Little Red” on my blog). I would love dearly to see her again! Alas, the third date is proving elusive, a much promised dinner date. Things keep getting in the way and I’m sure it will happen soon enough. She has cancelled several times; but I do not believe she is having second thoughts. She has asked to see me both times and has promised that she does want to see me again. She has a lot going on in her life and I’m playing the waiting game.

    I like her a lot but I’m conscious of the fact that she was the first online date I ever had, though I like to think that maybe I struck gold, I don’t want to put all of my eggs into one basket – I’ve made that mistake once too often.

    Not sure I have a strategy other than trying to make sure my social calendar doesn’t get too clogged! Two of those dates are not to be repeated. The first girl never responded when I asked to see her again, with the other girl it was quite clear there was a mutual non-attraction thing going on. A third girl I would like to see again but so far I’ve had no response. It would be a shame if we did not meet again as I was quite keen on her and we had a good time (I refer to her as “Miss Outdoors” on my blog).

    Once there is a merest hint of commitment, with “Little Red” or anybody else, I will stop attempting to meet up with other women – I’m not a cheat and my marriage ended because my wife cheated so I have no desire to do that to anybody else. But, commitment is not currently on the cards and until it is… I’m enjoying meeting new people, making new friends and keeping my options open to potential romance.

    1. Sorry to hear of your ex-wife’s infidelity. Glad that she is supportive of your dating excursions (as she should be). Understandable that you wouldn’t do unto others what was done to you!

      Proper etiquette to have: once you are interested in one, stop pursuing others.

      Excited to hear about Little Red/Ms. Outdoors adventures!

      The other thing that this conversation elicited from me is women need to not approach all of their dates as potential husbands. Date. Figure out compatibility. Be a goal-oriented dater, but not a desperate one.

      Thanks so much for your insightful comments!

      1. Funny thing is, once “Little Red” asked me out to dinner I stopped messaging other women… in fact I stopped looking for a few days because all I wanted to focus on was her and what would happen that night. I only started looking again when she cancelled. As I said – I don’t want to put all of my eggs in one basket until I’m sure there is a strong possibility of something more.

        Yes, goal oriented. This is especially true in my case because I also feel I am soul-searching, figuring out what I want and who I want to be with. So it is as much a journey of self-discovery as anything else.

        Thanks for an intersting conversation. Keep reading my blog for updates, I will certainly keep following yours :)

        1. That, my friend, is the nature of dating: self-discovery. It truly makes you aware of the qualities you like and dislike about yourself mirrored through another person.

          Oh, I am addicted to your blog! And by addicted I mean, stalking :)

          Thank you for the insightful conversation and the female counterpart to mine!

          Everyone, please check out: http://chinupchesthigh.wordpress.com/ and let him know how you feel about his list ;)

          1. haha, thank you! More comments are always appreciated.

            Primarily mine is a self-help blog so any comments or insights offered by comments will really help me come to terms with the new life I’m forging after my divorce

            1. Ah! That is a different problem. We are so needy we project our ideal onto the first half-decent person we see (in the case of us men, I think it happens when we see a pretty face or even just a nice pair of legs and then we imagine all the rest). Perhaps the most important argument of my book is that if we know how to present ourselves and use attraction properly then we have choices that we didn’t dream we had. We underestimate ourselves. When we learn that we can afford to be selective then we make fewer mistakes and we won’t settle for a relationship that will never work.

  7. Thank you for your interest. I should point out that the book is aimed at sensitive romantic men to show them how to become the kind of emotionally strong men women want, without losing their sensitivity. Here is the link to my author page on Amazon.com:
    http://www.amazon.com/Cornelius-Agrippa/e/B0091OMVGC
    Here is the link to the page on my blog with a description of the book and links to Amazon.com, Amazon.ca and Amazon.co.uk:
    http://corneliusagrippa.wordpress.com/dating-the-missing-manual/
    Although it’s aimed at men, there are some tips in there that will apply to either sex.
    I am bringing out a Kindle edition soon, but this has been held up by the arrival of our baby. You see, my methods worked so well for me that a beautiful intelligent woman fell in love with me and wanted to have my baby, and of course I couldn’t deny her!

  8. I met a guy online who lied about his age. He said he was 37 and it came out that he was 42. His reasoning? Younger women (20s/30s), whom he was interested in, weren’t interested in someone in their 40s. Well, gee… Lying’s going to solve that problem!

  9. Spot on! I just don’t understand #8 – do they think if they wear us down we will eventually like them? :) If I don’t respond to your first email, I’m not going to respond to your 4th or 5th.

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