Start off your New Year with a bang!


As I reflect on the year, I realize more and more that life isn’t always about getting what you deserve. It’s about us all being on different trajectories. The reality is that everyone has the same opportunities at being happy. It’s about the choices we make and understanding how it shaped our experiences. The better we are at understanding why we chose what we did, the closer we get to actualizing our goals.

The things that we experience are temporary. It changes as our perception of the experience changes. Everything has its own unique trajectory. Imagine a ball in flight. The speed and direction in which it travels is dependent on the amount of force exerted onto the ball, the angle of your wrist, your strength for it to travel. The same principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Each person’s trajectory possesses its own unique set of qualities that is directed by each decision we make. What it yields is dependent on the decisions we make around the goal we want to achieve. The better we understand our experiences, we get a better sense of what we need and then we are better aligned to encounter the right set of circumstances and people.

This year, in addition to your New Year’s resolution, write a letter to your 2012 self itemizing the things that you gained, how you grew, and what you’re appreciative of. Whether you: grew from the ordeal of a break-up, divorce, found the love of your life, found a job, got laid-off, gained more customers or started your own business. Think about each thing that you would like to continue and things that you would like to grow from. Everything we go through brings us closer to what we need to actualize our dreams or brings about our happiness. If your goal is to be a better partner in your relationship (your trajectory), think about how your communication style may have improved in the last year or conversely how it can be improved in the coming year (your decision making process). Whatever the situation is, think about what led you to that moment and what you intended on happening. If it is what you intended, apply that formula to other situations. If it wasn’t, revise the process by being more congruent with what you want to achieve. Sometimes when we see it written, we are better able to see some of the incongruence very clearly. When I have reflected on my past experiences, I realized that the qualities and circumstances that I was seeking was the opposite of what I was experiencing. Hope this helps you have the best year yet!

Have a happy, healthy & prosperous New Year!

26 thoughts on “Start off your New Year with a bang!

  1. I’d like to chime in and comment on: “The better we understand our experiences, we get a better sense of what we need and then we are better aligned to encounter the right set of circumstances and people.” This comment screams out loud to me, because my experience is such that to the degree I am able to “understand” what “happened” as a result of a decision, an event, etc., on a broader scale, it will weigh against how I learn from both mistakes and victories. It seems often that we are always encountering new opportunities to make right choices. Sometimes the result of a few critical choices may yield a less-than-desirable outcome, and we need to learn from it – “better”. My proposal is that we surround ourselves with people, or just one person or two, who can help us gain perspective on our experiences, so we can learn to pan for the gold in opportunities that may disguise hidden gems. Often our own perspective is biased, depending on how we view ourselves. Are you willing to come alongside someone and help them “better understand their experiences”?

    1. Optimally, yes you want to surround yourself with people that possess different perspectives so that you can enhance your understanding of the experience(s). The better we are at understanding ourselves helps us cultivate a richer experience, in general. Life is where you get tested, then study. So, you are right, we are in a cycle of new opportunities to make right choices. It’s invaluable when you find someone that can provide you with feedback that is thought-provoking and assists in the process of behavioral change. As a clinician, the only cautionary note I will add is that not everyone is ready to hear or respond to what you might suggest and you can’t dismiss them for not being ready to act on what your suggestion is. It’s been my experience that those that aren’t ready to act on it, they are listening to you and will remember that you were what helped them consider what they didn’t want to deal with at the time.

    1. Thanks for the compliment and insightful question. Yes, this exercise is something I’ve utilized & have had clients use. I try to recommend only things that I know has been effective and demonstrated consistent results.

      I actually modify exercises each year depending on what issues emerged in society, clients’ and my own life. Each area will get a different exercise.

  2. Great post. I like the idea of writing a letter to my 2012 self. 🙂 It’s been quite year, and a letter is a great way to remember all the good things that happened (ie: getting engaged, getting a new job, leaving bad situations behind me). Thanks for the post.


  3. Fantastic advice and a clever way of embracing self-awareness – a trait that tends to scare most people. Thank you for offering a new perspective on an often avoided (but necessary) rite of passage for many. Truly powerful insight.

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