5 things you can do right now to change your online dating experience

1. Don’t force fit someone into your life because you are experiencing online dating fatigue. The process of several serial dates with people that you lack chemistry with or experience rejection from people that you think are potential candidates can be very frustrating and result in online dating fatigue. Where you just want to quit for awhile till you regroup. It’s totally understandable. Take a break, if you feel you need it. But, don’t let the fatigue inform who you choose.

2. Meet in real life. The point of online dating is to date, not to have a epenpal. If you haven’t gone on a date after a lengthy back and forth, cut it off. Two things are happening to you while you epenpal: 1) you are creating a false reality about who is behind the device and 2) you are delaying your own happiness by dealing with someone that isn’t on the same page.

3Screenshot 2014-11-06 at 1.56.54 PM. Diversify your dating approach. Don’t just rely on online dating as the only method of meeting someone. That will create online dating fatigue quickly. Include in your strategy both online and offline because love is a complicated process and has no formula. We can’t create the when and where. We just have to be there.

4. Approach online dating like it’s a social experiment.Β It really IS. Treat dating like you are collecting data on what you want and don’t want. See what combinations of qualities and characteristics better complement you.Β Approaching dating as though it is testing out our happiness hypothesis or algorithm can help minimize some of our own expectations. Create an equation (just like the dating sites) that includes the elements that you absolutely require (fixed variable) and the elements that you think you want (random variable). Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires.

5. This is the grand daddy of them all! Ready? Men, listen to me: don’t lie about your height. Women hate when you lie about inches πŸ™‚ The reality is that men over 6’0″ in US society is about 15%. Seems like 100% online πŸ™‚

50 thoughts on “5 things you can do right now to change your online dating experience

  1. That final comment is funny. There was a now-defunct blog I used to read by a woman who wrote about her various dating experiences, online and off. And, apparently, the height issue is one that was very common, when it came to online dating, and so she also wrote to tell men that they need to stop lying about it. She said something like β€œTrust me, guys. Even if you’re 5’11”, we CAN tell the difference between that and 6 feet, so don’t say you’re 6 feet if you are not.”

    1. Yes, it’s amazing that men will enter a few more inches because they think women find this numerical number to be a basis for partner selection. Some women do have a height preference and will know the difference. But, then you are starting off a relationship with a lie!

  2. This made me happy. I am in a dating rut right now. And my number one pet peeve: lying about height. Do they think I won’t notice they are 5’6″, when we meet? πŸ™‚

    1. So true! Sorry to hear you are in a rut. The funny thing is online dating picks up now. The peak is 11.18. So, if you can muster up the energy try around that time. People are looking for Holiday companionship. πŸ˜‰

  3. The height point’s true but definitely understandable why people lie about it. I keep coming across profiles that flat out say things like “under 6ft need not apply” and the like. I can’t wrap my head around height requirements. Is this Disney World or OkCupid? :p

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your insights! Oh, I don’t disagree that people will have height as a strict requirement. But, I don’t think deception is going to be the best way to start a relationship! πŸ™‚

      Perhaps height is like men’s preference towards blonds. In reality, it’s rare so maybe that’s why it’s so desired.

  4. Men, listen to me: don’t lie about your height. Women hate when you lie about inches

    Totally hear you. Lying about things from the start is doomed to failure and the person you are on a date with will often take a very dim view about your omission / outright lie. For the record, I never lied about anything – I was completely up front.

    HOWEVER, men will probably stop lying about their height the same day women stop lying about their weight.

      1. Yes, weight can be lost which makes it even more surprising that men are so often universally condemned for judging a woman by her weight – often by the same women who themselves have a minimum height requirement.

        You’d almost think they were being hypocritical in asking people to see beyond the weight and through to the person inside while not being prepared to do for others what they ask others to do for them πŸ˜‰

        1. In reality, age, height, weight, distance are all just numbers. Character & comparability is all that will matter when it comes to a life partner. Online dating makes us treat other human beings like it’s a social network stream.

          All these numbers change throughout the span of our lives.

          1. Oh god yes. What makes online dating more convenient and easier, also sometimes makes it harder. You know I am an almost evangelical advocate of online dating, but I came to understand the drawbacks very quickly.

            The worst disservice people can do to themselves is limit their pool on something as arbitrary as 2″ in height or 2lb in weight. Unless they are drowning in eligible options, they are only going to hurt themselves – which they are because they are usually the ones who complain the most about a lack of suitable options. I apply that equally to men and women.

            1. There isn’t anything wrong with having preferences. They shouldn’t limit us. I agree.

              People go about their process online and find it just as frustrating as offline. I hope that my blog helps people understand the process and themselves. Love is one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences in life.

  5. Lol. So true. All men are 6’1″ or 6’2″ on dating sites but turn out to be 5’6″ in real life. I personally don’t care about height, but I don’t like being lied to.

  6. Age, height and weight! It’s always the numbers that are fudged and by both men and women! I’m actually considering putting up one of those height measurement things (like at the door of a convenient store in a bad neighborhood) at my office LOL

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