Another dating trend that doesn’t involve dating: Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing, is the latest dating trend and label that replaces stringing along. The New York Times describes it as  “They communicate via sporadic noncommittal, but repeated messages — or breadcrumbs — that are just enough to keep you wondering but not enough to seal the deal (whatever that deal may be). Breadcrumbers check in consistently with a romantic prospect, but never set up a date. They pique your interest, of that prospective job, perhaps, by reminding you repeatedly that it exists, but never set up the interview.”

Basically, you’re keeping your options open while stringing someone else along with the least amount of effort or regard for the other person. Like ghosting, the other person is entertaining them when they reach out. What kind of reaching out you ask? Oh, “liking” a photo on IG or fb is the signal that game is back on. Right. What? It’s probably the saddest and minimal amount of effort to demonstrate interest in someone. I mean, we spend more time liking cat photos.

Urbandictionary.com

For us to accept these behaviors with disregard for how it impacts us emotionally is what the core of what I call, The Millennial Virus, is. What is it doing to our sense of self? Are we becoming more narcissistic? Are we becoming more insecure? Are we accepting sub-optimal relationships just to feel connected to something? Is technology driving dating, sex and emotion? Is it creating a generation that is passive-aggressive in life?

As a Behavioral Scientist, what amazes me is the hypersensitivity we all seem to have about almost all aspects of life EXCEPT relationships. Isn’t it interesting that we stand up against bullying, shaming, or political un-correctness; but with people we have interest in we act with total disregard? Some say it’s technology that’s driving our behavior, some say it’s the lack of employment, or that we are to attached to our devices or the way we are cognitively evolving.

Let’s look at some of the most common types that will most likely breadcrumb:

  1. Stalker types. These are the ones that reach out on your social feeds every now and then, but don’t follow-up with any sentences J They treat you like you are a notification on fb that they forgot they were connected to. If they can’t reach out to you in a text, what makes you think they are interested in having something pop off with you?
  2. Booty call types. These are the “DTF” “WYD” messages you’ll get at night. They aren’t interested in going beyond just the sexual set up you have. If this is acceptable to you, proceed with caution. Because it may not evolve into a
  3. Can’t get over you types. These are the ones that reach out to you months and years after it’s over in hopes of rekindling the relationship. If they failed the first time, chances are they aren’t new and improved. They just realize the error in not having you in their lives and hope that you are going to want to waste time with them again.
  4. Predator types. These types stalk you on your social feeds to keep abreast of the latest going on in your life. Once they notice a difference in posts or photos that indicates your seeing someone or they see that your seeing someone, they all of a sudden find you interesting. If they were on the fence about dating you and only reach out because you are happy in a new relationship, enjoy your new relationship.

In all these types, the underlying issue is not just their non-commitment issues, it’s their ego. Filtering through hundreds of profiles, spamming everyone, and getting rejected is rough on the ego. A way to deal with the rejection ratio is to find any kind of attention.  At the end of the day, people want to feel some level of relevance, importance or their own delusions of grandeur. Some get their rocks off by knowing that they’ve hooked you with a like or that you are still around when they disappear. Their ego is fulfilled when they reach out to you after months and you accepted their previous behavior and continue in a cycle of a dis-satisfactory relationship. Your ego, on the other hand, begins to take a hit to your self-esteem. Now you’re asking yourself questions like: why they reached out if they hadn’t ever planned to follow through, what’s the point of reaching out to me and why not meet up with me and finally why do I continue to attract these bullshit types?

 

13 thoughts on “Another dating trend that doesn’t involve dating: Breadcrumbing

        1. Thank you both for the information! I am new to this dating game after a 25 year relationship where I never thought I would be alone! I am reading and trying very hard to understand what is going on! I have been trying to meet someone online, but it does not work well 99% of the time! I may be that dumbass!! haha! But these articles help understand how the games work! I am getting pretty good at it and really want nothing to do with it at the same time! Anyway, thank you so much, very informative?

          1. Thank you for your kind compliment my work and for sharing your story. I’m glad you find the information helpful in guiding you through your own relationship path.

            You are not a dumbass 🙂 LOL You are simply trying to navigate an entirely new world of technology impacting the way we interact with one another. I would suggest you try dating offline too. Dating apps are addictive and effective for some, but I wouldn’t solely rely on digital dating. You might find that that may change your outcomes and perspective. Not saying that you still will need to determine who fits you best, but it can minimize some of the anxiety and bs you deal with when you swipe and ~maybe~ meet.

            Keep me posted on your success and adventures!

  1. I enjoyed the read, but it seems to trigger how blind an trusting I was to a narrsissit abuser of 27yrs. The last ten were absolutely painful an devisiting to me, everyday I struggle to move on but before I lay down at night I make sure there is some kind of productive task I complete.

    1. Thank you Kenneth for your honesty and sharing your story. I truly appreciate your kind words and am sorry you had to endure that pain for so long. I am glad that you are making efforts to move passed the pain. It is hard, but so vital for your future and well-being.

      I believe that no one should endure unnecessary pain, so I have been developing tools to prevent some of that. I see so much pain and so much could be prevented. It troubles me immensely! But, I can watch it or do something to empower people, so i choose the latter. I’ll be sharing a launch page on this site too.

      Happy that you are making steps to make you whole again. Kenneth, you are taking leaps and bounds. So many stay or adapt to the abuse.

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