What I learned in the past decade

I started this site nearly 10 years ago out of necessity! I was struggling with my own poor decision-making and frustrated with my dating patterns. Ten years later, I developed a 6-week system called Your Happiness Hypothesis aka the H20 method based on an algorithm I started developing on this very blog. I am so grateful for your support throughout all of these years!

I started exploring all of my theories and conducted experiments on this blog on myself for everyone’s benefit 🙂 I wanted to be raw, open, and supportive for all of us going through the same challenges and frustrations. Here’s the thing: you’re just a dumbass was a conversation I had with myself and other times it was about people I chose. I had to laugh at my irrationality because I spent many years crying over the choices I made.

Today, I can honestly celebrate so many reasons I am grateful to have started this blog: it led me to my husband, I scrutinized every aspect of dating in a research study of 5,000 singles that gained me over 900 media credits in just a few years and was deeply inspired by so many of you that gave me courage to keep taking risk and being vulnerable. 

Here’s a few things I learned and continue to learn about behavior: we can rationalize any relationship if we desire it that badly, our tolerance for other people’s bs behavior changes as we get older, and dating is data. 

Don’t be afraid to take risks! The future you and the future of your happiness will thank you!

Wow! I’m on a Times Square Jumbotron, baby!

Happy International Women’s Day and Month!

As a women of color and scientist, it is incredibly exciting for me to see the technological and scientific advances in society and to see so many women who want to pursue a career in STEM. Please encourage, support, or mentor women in “non-traditional” careers till we no longer call it nontraditional.

If anyone would have asked medo you think you will be on a Times Square jumbotron and sharing techniques that you developed on open public platforms?” 

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I was recently honored to participate to on a twitter chat with PRNewswire ProfNet hashtag #connectchat about the strategies I created for my blog, http://yourejustadumbass.com. If you’d like to learn strategies, you can access the recap article here:  http://www.profnetconnect.com/popelbaum/blog/2014/03/05/how_to_keep_your_blog_readers_engaged

Thank you to all who support the advancement of women in STEM, entrepreneurship, and enterprise.

Top 10 things to bring in the New Year & new you!

Happy New Year! Hope your New Year is off to a great start! To help bring in the new you, here are top 10 things you can do:domp

1. Learn from the past, but don’t relive it in the future.

2. People are what they are not what you want them to be.

3. Once you accept someone for what they really are, they will surprise you by being better than what you expected.

4. Forgive yourself for your past sub-optimal decisions.

5. Seek out people that make you a better version of yourself.

6. Follow your gut. Period.

7. Be the type of person you would like to be in a relationship with.

8. Don’t lose yourself while trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.

9. Desperate is not sexy, confidence is.

10. Who you date is a function of your self-esteem.

Wow! Christmas came early this year: Blog of the Year 2013!

What a true honor of being nominated for the Blog of the Year 2013 Award from one of my favorite bloggers, http://ljoysharkey.wordpress.com! Who is an amazingly gifted writer. When you can check out her Dear Diary and her Rants & Raves section, both will have you entertained and in awe of her writing styles. Thank you for sharing your life and talent with us!

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The ‘rules’ for this award are simple:

  1. Select another blog(s) who deserve the award;
  2. Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award;
  3. Include a link back to this page ‘Blog of the Year 2013’ Award and provide these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alter the rules or the badges!)
  4. Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them
  5. You can now also join our Facebook group – click ‘like’ on this page ‘Blog of the Year 2013’ Award Facebook group and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience.
  6. As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

This is in no ranked order. I admire and am inspired by them all equally. The list of my nominees are:

http://ljoysharkey.wordpress.com/

http://contactrida.wordpress.com/

relationshipreinvented.com

http://dontspeaksing.wordpress.com

http://chinupchesthigh.wordpress.com/

http://rainbowsprout.wordpress.com/

http://kristinarenae.wordpress.com/

http://mywonderyear.com/

http://davidtalks13.wordpress.com/

http://zaphanathpaneah17.wordpress.com/

http://huedunorthodoxy.wordpress.com/

http://theothersideofugly.com/

http://robertmudge.net/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

I won 1st place for Best Adult Dating Blog!!!

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What an extraordinary honor of being placed as the #1 Best Adult Dating Blog Award from Great Dating Blogs! I want to thank all of you who voted for me! I really appreciate it! I am so glad that people find my blog useful, practical, and worthy of being #1 out of so many excellent bloggers!

I started this blog in hopes that it could help change people’s lives, their dating experiences and to laugh at some of the ridiculousness that happens in the dating scene! You can’t imagine how it feels to know that in cheering people on to find better, laughing with many of you about my own experiences, learning from everyone, being inspired by so many of you that my blog receives this honor!

Thank you all so much for the support, votes, comments, and inspiration!

Check out all of the fabulous winners in all of the categories:

http://www.greatdatingblogs.com/great-dating-blogs-2013-winners/

Submit or nominate your/a blog here for 2014: http://www.greatdatingblogs.com/enter-or-nominate/

In Honor of the Boston Tragedy

I am deeply saddened by the Boston Marathon tragedy. While most of us look at tragedies in the negative way that they really are, the positives are that: 1) we strengthen our relationships and communities, 2) seek to assist families in need, 3) and begin dialogues about the direction of society. Today, I had the honor of talking to NBC NEWS 4 Anchor Melissa Carlson about how we really see a stronger sense of community and strengthened  relationships emerge as a result of tragedy.

An event like this deeply impacts us because we think about that 8 year-old boy & think of how it impacts his family, his school, his friends. That creates a sentiment that makes us behave more altruistically. As we have seen with funds being established to assist the Richard & Corcoran families This was a random event at a massive event that anyone could be in attendance. When we begin to feel like it could have been any of us or that we can’t comprehend senseless death/tragedy , we want to change the nature of society. We think it can happen any where to any one of us. That makes us all become vigilantes in a way. Tragedies help strengthen and form communities. Some resources for anyone wanting to help those impacted by this tragedy:

New England Patriots‘ The Kraft family announced it will match $100,000 in donations to support marathon tragedy victims. patriots.com/donate

New England Patriot‘s defensive captain Vince Wilfork has a Text to donate campaign: “Text VINCE to 50555 to donate $10 to the Vince Wilfork Foundation all proceeds usntil end of the month will benefit victims of Boston bombs.”

Can’t get to your office on Boylston Street? Workbar is offering office space, free access to Wi-Fi, meeting rooms, and warm cups of coffee.

The Tavern in Framingham will hold a fund-raiser on Wednesday, April 17 from 3 p.m. until closing.

Source and additional resources can be found at: http://www.boston.com/news/source/2013/04/boston_marathon.html

Wow! I am in awe of these exceptional bloggers & awards!

I am always honored and moved by exceptional bloggers nominating me for awards. I feel truly awarded by their thoughtfulness, support, and inspiration. I have had the honor of being nominated for these outstanding awards:

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Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the following amazing bloggers who nominated me:

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

beautiful_blogger_award

Beautiful Blogger Award

 Nominated by the inspirational iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

Versatileblogger

Versatile Blogger Award

Nominated by the inspirational robertmudge.wordpress.com/

Liebster Blog Award

Liebster Award

Nominated by the inspirational frankiedman.wordpress.com & http://reflectionsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com 

So the rules are that I have to: 1) thank the person who gave it to me, 2) share 7 possible things that are unknown about me,  3) nominate 15 bloggers, and 4) notify the nominees of their nomination.

  1. I try to hide my geekiness. I guess not all that well 🙂 So I’m told 🙂
  2. Michael Jordan’s Nike Maybe It’s My Fault commercial is my source of motivation.
  3. I like watching Comedy Central before I go to sleep. It’s how I strike a mental balance.
  4. I believe in a highly romanticized version of love 🙂  I know. Don’t judge!
  5. I can’t stand jealousy, self-absorption and selfishness.
  6. I am a Leo!

This is in no ranked order. I admire and am inspired by them all equally. The list of my nominees are:

Very Inspiring Blogger

 http://ayaime.wordpress.com/

http://bornoutofbourbon.wordpress.com/

http://clarkkent07.wordpress.com/

http://nanafeneba.wordpress.com

http://theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

http://chinupchesthigh.wordpress.com/

gregariouswolf.wordpress.com

algarveblogdotnet.wordpress.com

http://invisiliz.com/

findingthewilltolive.wordpress.com

whataheartcanhold.wordpress.com

royalityme.wordpress.com

http://iamforchange.wordpress.com/

http://whymarriagematters.wordpress.com/

http://truthbunny.wordpress.com/

http://julienmatei.com/

http://corneliusagrippa.wordpress.com/

Versatile Blogger

frankiedman.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

Liebster

http://howaboutwenot.com/

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

Beautiful Blogger

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

http://reflectionsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com

Top things you can do to ensure your happiness.

In honor of International Happiness Day, I have compiled a list of things that either reminds us of what happiness can be or what we can do to get to a state of happiness.

  1. People demonstrate what they are. We don’t pay attention to the signs.stop
  2. People are what they are, not what you want them to be.
  3. Life doesn’t happen to you. You have to play an active role in shaping it.
  4. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Identify the reason things are compelling you to do the things that you don’t want to do/that don’t make you happy.
  5. Sometimes you only realize someone’s worth when they are gone.
  6. Spending time with someone that doesn’t make you happy delays your happiness and theirs.
  7. You choose all that you allow in your life.

Top 10 things to tell the woman in your life

Men, do you want Valentine’s Day to come early? Tell the woman in your life any of these phrases 🙂

  1. I love you!
  2. You cooked, I’ll clean.
  3. I picked up something at Tiffany’s for you just because.
  4. You are right.
  5. You have my undivided attention. I’m listening.
  6. spaHow about you have a spa day, I’ll take care of the kids.
  7. You are an amazing wife and we are awesome parents.
  8. You are unbelievably beautiful and I am lucky to have you in my life.
  9. I ran a bath with your favorite rose petals soak for you.
  10. I don’t know what I did to deserve you!

Start off your New Year with a bang!

domp

As I reflect on the year, I realize more and more that life isn’t always about getting what you deserve. It’s about us all being on different trajectories. The reality is that everyone has the same opportunities at being happy. It’s about the choices we make and understanding how it shaped our experiences. The better we are at understanding why we chose what we did, the closer we get to actualizing our goals.

The things that we experience are temporary. It changes as our perception of the experience changes. Everything has its own unique trajectory. Imagine a ball in flight. The speed and direction in which it travels is dependent on the amount of force exerted onto the ball, the angle of your wrist, your strength for it to travel. The same principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Each person’s trajectory possesses its own unique set of qualities that is directed by each decision we make. What it yields is dependent on the decisions we make around the goal we want to achieve. The better we understand our experiences, we get a better sense of what we need and then we are better aligned to encounter the right set of circumstances and people.

This year, in addition to your New Year’s resolution, write a letter to your 2012 self itemizing the things that you gained, how you grew, and what you’re appreciative of. Whether you: grew from the ordeal of a break-up, divorce, found the love of your life, found a job, got laid-off, gained more customers or started your own business. Think about each thing that you would like to continue and things that you would like to grow from. Everything we go through brings us closer to what we need to actualize our dreams or brings about our happiness. If your goal is to be a better partner in your relationship (your trajectory), think about how your communication style may have improved in the last year or conversely how it can be improved in the coming year (your decision making process). Whatever the situation is, think about what led you to that moment and what you intended on happening. If it is what you intended, apply that formula to other situations. If it wasn’t, revise the process by being more congruent with what you want to achieve. Sometimes when we see it written, we are better able to see some of the incongruence very clearly. When I have reflected on my past experiences, I realized that the qualities and circumstances that I was seeking was the opposite of what I was experiencing. Hope this helps you have the best year yet!

Have a happy, healthy & prosperous New Year!