Just because you had a negative experience doesn’t mean that you’re going to have another bad experience. I have often said that relationships should leave visible scars rather than psychological scars. Simply because physical scars heal within a specific time and sometimes are reminders of what not to do, while psychological scars can act in the complete opposite where you can become imprisoned in your mind and body.
Here are some tips on how to avoid the head games you play with yourself:
- One of the key elements about a relationship is that it should make you a better version of yourself. If that is not happening, you have to exit while you still recognize yourself.
- You allow yourself to be used. Ask yourself why you allowed it in this case and not others or why you continuously let them use you.
- There is a reciprocal nature to the universe. Let the universe take care of it. Don’t ruminate about the relationship.
- Don’t victimize yourself post break up.
- Don’t relive negative events that occurred in the relationship by recalling what happened or extract an aspect to persecute yourself over again. You’re torturing yourself & subsequently delaying your own growth.
- Don’t lie to yourself. One of the keys is that you have to be honest with yourself and in defining your truth; you have to come to terms with it.
- People are who they are, not what you want you want them to be or what you would like to see them become.
- Don’t ascribe unrealistic expectations to people. People’s reality is shaped by their experiences which shapes their perception.
- No repeat performances. Time post break up simply created distance, not fondness. They are your exes for a reason. You keep moving forward, not backwards. Re-read #6.
- Develop further or refine your list of what is compatible for you.
- Further refine your happiness hypothesis.
- If it reached your threshold of what’s unacceptable, it’s unacceptable. Some people dismiss porn being played in the background while you’re trying to have a conversation, some dismiss cheating. It all depends on your tolerance level. None of it is wrong because it’s how you define your happiness.
Reblogged this. Thanks for the list…
wow! thank you! so flattered! you’re the first to reblog me! xoxoxo
of course…this is a great post.
I especially agree with #12. It’s true — it really all depends on each person’s tolerance level. Many relationships crumble because partners fail to communication with each other with their threshold of acceptance.
Absolutely! I learned this list the hard way! Hope that people reading this can avoid some of the mistakes I have made.
I read this title with commas after head games and you. It would’ve been an interesting take on people you’re trying not to get involved with by following the list.
Interestingly enough, that would be just as effective! Thanks for reading & commenting!
I wish I had encountered a list like this about 2 or 3 years ago. I think it’s really good advice for those who aren’t having the best of luck with dating and relationships. Some bad experiences and an unhealthy attitude turned me into a man hater for a while, but I eventually overcame it and found love.
So happy for you Manda! Congratulations on finding a loving relationship! Thank you for finding my advice helpful! Let us know what was your secret to finding a successful relationship.
Thank you! It wasn’t easy at all to establish a good, healthy relationship through a dating site, but I’d say it requires a good mix of patience, perseverance, and the ability to learn from past mistakes. I hate to say it, but I think sometimes people just have to learn lessons the hard way so they forever know what to avoid in the future. I think it’s really what helped me get what I have today.
I agree. To get to a worthwhile relationship you have undergone years of experiences that shape you and help you see what healthy is.
My hopes for this blog are to help expedite/avoid the process, but we struggle through hard life lessons to recognize the opposite.
Your blog is so inspirational and informative! Keep up the great work! I think that okc needs to have you both be their advertisement! You should submit your story and blog link to them!
Thank you for your entertaining blog and all your wonderful advice! I think I might put this list on my fridge!
Aww thank you sweetj2! I am blushing! So glad you find it useful! Looking forward to reading your blog! Have a great weekend!
Reblogged this on The Truth About Dating and commented:
This is a very good post! I just had to reblog to share with my fans. Good job!!
Thanks so much for your support, girl! Love your work! Am so flattered!
A good exercise I learned is to keep a list or journal of what you learned from the experience. I mean you can learn something from pretty much everyone that touches your life and what you take away can help in the future. Good or bad this does help better yourself and is a good reminder to reflect upon as our memories do fade.
Thanks, paisleyboo, that is an excellent and very effective exercise. I found when I do it, it definitely helps me see dating patterns and trends.
You are right about the value people we encounter have in our lives. We have no idea what they are going to teach us or represent later on. The more we understand that the better we are choosing people and relationships that enhance us.
Looking forward to reading your next post! Love your blog already!
thanks for sharing
my pleasure! hope it was helpful!
Yah, fair comments and objective
Thanks! I really appreciate it!