Ladies, beware: men are the new women!

Ok, so, when I learned that Spanx, Inc. makes shape wear for men, I couldn’t stop laughing. Not that it’s not a great concept because IT IS! But, that there’s the metrosexual, manscaping, calf implants, and manx! What’s next? Men, enjoy the objectification that women have endured for years! You’re gonna love being told you aren’t good enough and that everything about you has to change.

Let’s begin with examples of our theme: men are the new women. The following list classifies some of the types of new modern man that are seeking someone that can deal with their emotional cycles, insecurities, and rants.

The pity seeker.

This guy chalks his life setbacks and experiences to a series of bad luck. Somehow things don’t pan out for him, yet he doesn’t understand how these things keep happening to him. Watching this guy make attempts that don’t materialize makes it hard to think about a future with him. The draw about this guy is that you really feel for him because you want him to succeed at what he does and these types really want to be a good partner because he wants to please you. The flip-side of that is he likes being a victim in life because he is used to instability in his career, life goals attainment, whatever else he sees as failures. He will be insecure throughout the relationship and when you break up he will seek pity from others by vilifying you.

The jealous types.

This guy is outwardly projecting solid and strength, but internally very insecure. There are a few subtypes within this category.  There’s the overbearing and domineering type that wants your cell phone to review your call and text history because he has deep seated trust issues. Then, there’s the guy who thinks that everyone you encounter wants to be with you and let’s you know about it. He is actually secretly jealous of you because of his inability to deal with his own insecurities and can’t deal with your ability to command your life. He doesn’t see where he fits, so he creates one. Both types seem appealing because initially they both come off as very reliable and loyal. Unfortunately, these types can become abusive.

The socially inept type.

This guy feels very uncomfortable in social settings because they are used to interacting with a computer screen and have lost their ability to interact with humans. In addition to know knowing how to function in social settings, they are also oblivious to social cues and are unable to read human behavior appropriately. These guys usually have an equally inept social circle, if they have one. Initially the draw might be the shyness, but their social awkwardness usually stems from childhood. These guys deal with their emotions via their Facebook walls because that is their support network. This guy will break up with you via text/email.

Men, keep it 100: how to stop getting rejected online.

These tips are designed to help men deal with not getting contacted back from women or feeling outright rejection while online dating.

1. If your interested in hook ups, don’t contact women who don’t have that included in their profiles. The likelihood of you not getting a response is about 95%  (CI=95%, p<=.05).

2. You’ve heard it several times: don’t lie about your height. Women don’t want you to lie about inches.

3. Don’t approach women as though you are placing a bet at a roulette table: covering the spread so that you can get a hit.  (OR=.1, p<=.05)

4. Be realistic. If you don’t think you would have a shot in public, your chances aren’t going to improve online. (OR=.1, p<=.05)

5. If you have multiple profiles up, don’t lie about it. It’s searchable. We’re all trying to find what we want. No one’s gonna judge.

6. Whatever your current life circumstances are, just be honest about it. Ultimately, the person you want to be with will be supportive.

7. If you don’t fit the majority of her match criteria that she’s included in her profile, more than likely you won’t get a response.  That message gets recycled. (CI=99%, p<=.01)

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8. Don’t send follow-up emails if you didn’t get a response to your initial communication. It’s all based on probability.  Telling someone anything about you feeling rejected, doesn’t improve your chances of getting a response. All it conveys to us is that you may be immature, ego maniacal, and angry. We usually don’t reconsider men that exhibit those qualities. (CI=99%, p<=.01)

Top 10 things to stop doing right now

1. Don’t think that people will change.

2. Don’t settle. In every person you encounter you gain something. Focus on what you gained, instead of what you were disappointed with. Use that list to carry you into the next relationship.

3. Don’t think that people aren’t satisfied with what they are or their circumstances. People structure their lives the way they want. When you join someone’s life it either works or it doesn’t.

4. Don’t get caught up in someone else’s drama. Follow your gut. If you hesitate about something, it is usually something you should avoid.

5. Don’t help people that don’t deserve it. It could be that you are enabling something or you’re caught up in their lies.

6. Don’t live your life for others. Find the things you enjoy doing, enjoy those things, enjoy who you are and where you are in life.

7. Don’t lose your sense of self in a relationship. The person you were when you met is what attracted the person in the first place.

8. Don’t look for someone’s potential. Focus on what and who they are in the present.

9. Don’t be someone for someone else.

10. Delete the need to understand. Sometimes we really don’t know the reasons why things worked out the way they did.  Relying on a source outside yourself to understand why you feel hurt can lead you to persecute yourself. Sometimes people might not be completely honest with themselves and aren’t ready to be honest with you or can’t be honest with you. The best thing to do is just recognize that it’s over or the person is not going to call or the person doesn’t want to be in your life and that’s ok. You lost nothing. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what the other person was about, said, did, etc.

Self-deception at its best

Best WTH lines I have heard so far:

1. “Dating while you’re married isn’t cheating”. Explaining some of the difficulties of a marriage after years of divorce. Grounds for divorce: not performing marital duties! WHAT? “Oh really? No sex for you? Uh, perhaps the key reason for that is that they were dating while you both were married”.

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2. “Found out he is married, living with her and is expecting a kid with her, but we are going to go ahead with planning our wedding”. After hiring a private investigator, crashing his car & wrecking his apartment (after breaking & entering).

3. “I know that we are different religions and that everyone has turned their backs on us, but it’ll work out”. One year and several re-locations later, “We got divorced”. What? “Yeah, turns out her family had a hit out on me!”.

4. “She’s a little too much to handle sometimes, but I’m getting used to it”. After throwing F bombs & Christmas gifts across the room at her in-laws. The trigger phrase: “You didn’t have to get us anything, your presence is gift enough!”.

5. “I don’t bring my partner to any of my social engagements because I don’t want anyone knowing my business”. As they tweet, instagram and fb throughout the entire night enough information that if the cops needed information about their whereabouts, it would suffice.