Want to find a date in 1 hour? Play the Ideal Date Dating Game!

Many of you know from my last post,The best online dating screener: google+ hangouts, I am a big fan of the google+ hangouts. Since I have been actively using it, I have been doing a lot of research and have created the concept of Play Ideal Date Dating Game. It is a show that will offer participants a unique approach to dating. The uniqueness of the model is that it is a mixed method matching system based on personalized attention and online dating.

I have created a questionnaire and algorithm that will guide the matching system and the show. All participants will complete a questionnaire, then I will select candidates that I will include as the featured guest, then I work with the featured guest to determine the key variables of the algorithm that will be used to guide the game on the dating show! Once the featured guest and I have determined the key priority areas that completes their algorithm, I use that to screen for potential candidates to be included in the show. Together we will use your key priority areas to develop the questions we will ask the potential candidates on the show! It is a modernized version of the Dating Game!

The show is called Ideal Date because in the event that the guest feature is interested in more than one candidate, I simply have helped them find the ideal date, which is simply the most recommended candidate. Future shows will include the candidates that were not matched in that session. Built on the idea that dating should be fun!

Who is eligible you ask? Men & women, 25-55, who are single and have a completed Google+ profile page. The best part of this method are that the Guest Feature will be able to determine some levels of compatibility, chemistry and likeability before committing to a date. After the show is conducted and the couple is matched, I request a simple follow-up to know how the date went.

If you’re interested in participating please email me at info@playidealdate.com for the questionnaire and show requirements. All of your information will be held confidential.

Top 10 things to tell the woman in your life

Men, do you want Valentine’s Day to come early? Tell the woman in your life any of these phrases 🙂

I love you!
You cooked, I’ll clean.
I picked up something at Tiffany’s for you just because.
You are right.
You have my undivided attention. I’m listening.
How about you have a spa day, I’ll take care of the kids.
You are an amazing wife and we are awesome parents.
You are unbelievably beautiful and I am lucky to have you in my life.
I ran a bath with your favorite rose petals soak for you.
I don’t know what I did to deserve you!

The best online dating screener: Google+ hangouts!

According to online dating statistics, 1 out of 3 people are now using online dating as a method of finding their mate. Some may say that this is the new dating norm for the 30-something age range. Unlike the 20-something age range, according to the New York Times’ The End of Courtship?, 30-somethings still use phones for conversations, have one-on-one dates, and flirt in public not twitter.

So, I asked myself what can the 30-something group do to be just as tech savvy and unconventional to make our dating experiences more efficient? Ladies & Gents, I have found our answer!!! I am going to start this trend: Google + hangouts! What? Never heard of it? I recently started using it myself. Let me tell you all about it. It was launched over a year ago and is a video chat program that allows us to interact with up to 10 people face-to-face. It’s a different social networking concept from the other social network platforms, but the same in terms of sharing information, photos, latest news, etc. The key difference is it is LIVE human interaction! In addition to business conferencing; meetings; networking; connecting; and sharing, I found the best application: online dating screening! I have found Google+ hangouts to be the most effective & efficient method in screening potential dates.

Here’s my rationale:

1. Time

So, I thought what are 30-somethings most concerned with? Time, right? No one wants to waste time because we have a limited amount of it with our work and life schedules. Well, Google+ hangouts resolves this. Let’s consider the time invested in the initial phase of online dating. We go through the process of identifying a pool of potential candidates, email screen, and are now ready to talk on the phone/meet in person. I would use the phone conversation as my screener and hope that it would all go well when we met in life. That’s where the second phase of time investment is: preparing for the date. The process of aligning your schedules, dressing for it, and mentally preparing yourself for the date. That’s where the g+h/o (what I like to call it or h/o for short 🙂 ) comes in! You can schedule a face-to-face video chat to determine if you want to go that second phase of time investment. All you have to do is send a link to the g+ho and schedule a video chat!

2. Physical attraction

What frustrates us the most about meeting people face-to-face? If their photos and life have discrepancies, right? One of the top things both men and women lie about on their profiles is age. Seeing them on a video chat gives you the opportunity to determine whether you are really physically attracted to the person or the whatever year old photo they decided to use!

3. Lifestyle

People usually are conducting their g+ho from their homes. It’s either a bedroom, living room or home office. Which provides us with an easy way to determine: 1) whether they are messy/organized; 2) what their tastes are (art work, furniture, photos displayed), and 3) a small margin of if there is chemistry or not.

Oh, the other added bonus is that you may be able to determine if the person is married based on the room, too. If you like cyberstalking, this is another added bonus, you can see the person’s activities and profile if it’s completed!

Thanks Google+, Vic Gundotra, Chee Chew, Dori Storbeck and Natalie Villalobos for making my life so much easier! Here’s the link to learn more and join Google+ hangouts: http://www.google.com/+/learnmore/hangouts/

For now, I have just tried the one-on-one video chat, but am going to be exploring different dating efficiency techniques and sharing them with you all! Looking forward to hearing about your experiences with the g+ho!

Start off your New Year with a bang!

domp

As I reflect on the year, I realize more and more that life isn’t always about getting what you deserve. It’s about us all being on different trajectories. The reality is that everyone has the same opportunities at being happy. It’s about the choices we make and understanding how it shaped our experiences. The better we are at understanding why we chose what we did, the closer we get to actualizing our goals.

The things that we experience are temporary. It changes as our perception of the experience changes. Everything has its own unique trajectory. Imagine a ball in flight. The speed and direction in which it travels is dependent on the amount of force exerted onto the ball, the angle of your wrist, your strength for it to travel. The same principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Each person’s trajectory possesses its own unique set of qualities that is directed by each decision we make. What it yields is dependent on the decisions we make around the goal we want to achieve. The better we understand our experiences, we get a better sense of what we need and then we are better aligned to encounter the right set of circumstances and people.

This year, in addition to your New Year’s resolution, write a letter to your 2012 self itemizing the things that you gained, how you grew, and what you’re appreciative of. Whether you: grew from the ordeal of a break-up, divorce, found the love of your life, found a job, got laid-off, gained more customers or started your own business. Think about each thing that you would like to continue and things that you would like to grow from. Everything we go through brings us closer to what we need to actualize our dreams or brings about our happiness. If your goal is to be a better partner in your relationship (your trajectory), think about how your communication style may have improved in the last year or conversely how it can be improved in the coming year (your decision making process). Whatever the situation is, think about what led you to that moment and what you intended on happening. If it is what you intended, apply that formula to other situations. If it wasn’t, revise the process by being more congruent with what you want to achieve. Sometimes when we see it written, we are better able to see some of the incongruence very clearly. When I have reflected on my past experiences, I realized that the qualities and circumstances that I was seeking was the opposite of what I was experiencing. Hope this helps you have the best year yet!

Have a happy, healthy & prosperous New Year!

Tis the season

It’s the time of year where everyone and their momma is having holiday parties. There are some parties that you feel you should go to, that you have to go to, and that you need to pre-party before you go to. In the spirit of festivities my friend and I had to go to all three in one night. Of course adventures are synonymous with holiday parties!

So, we started off at a bar before we went to the obligatory party for alittle pre-party action. As we try to maneuver through the crowd, two gentleman walk up to us and offer to buy us drinks. This random act of kindness is because one of the gentlemen are celebrating their birthday. Huh of all things. As we listen to them talk about themselves and how great they are, one turns to me and says “so how about my birthday present?”. Of course! The angle was set up from the very beginning. “So, you go up to random girls and ask them to hang with you on your “birthday”? Do you both get beyond a drink with girls?”. “Well, he’s married and this place’s nickname is whore house.” What? Really? “Is that right? I’m kind of perplexed because a) your wing man is a married guy and b) you’re using the birthday pickup line at a place that is nicknamed whore house.” “You don’t know how hard It is to get women these days.It used to be so much easier it took a drink.” “I get that, but don’t you think it looks kind of bad that you don’t have friends to hang with on your birthday and your trolling around with a married guy? Isn’t that just gonna be pity sex?” “Hey you think I care what it looks like, I just want to get off. Men want to get off. If he’s not getting any at home, he’ll find some girl with daddy issues that will get with him.” Merry Christmas to me! Finally got to understand what men really want! Thank you birthday boy!

So, we head over to the first party: the you should go one. We are there for 15 minutes and some guy comes up to me and starts talking about what he does. I tell him about my blog. Flood gates. He decides to tell me all about his sexual experiences and casually reveals that he’s a sex addict. “Not the I’ve had sex with almost everyone in this room; the Tiger Woods type.” I would imagine he is making a minor distinction about selectivity. I didn’t want to be nosey. 🙂 This is a high brow party afterall. He divulged his escapades and I just nodded. He turns to me and says “hey, do you want to have sex on the balcony?”. I laugh it off and politely tell him no. He tried this all night long with several of my friends. We compared notes.

We go to the next party. As we are ready to leave, a random women approaches us and starts chatting me up. It felt like I was on an interview. She kept peering into my eyes like she was trying to penetrate into my soul. Felt uncomfortable, but thought nothing of it. Then walks in her husband and complains about being sick and not himself. Because if he was himself he would invite us back to his place for a nightcap. Sweet! My evening would have not been complete till I got propositioned by swingers! And the gifts just keep on coming!

All of these adventures in one night! I have 4 more days till Christmas! Can’t wait to see what else Santa has in store for me! Have a great holiday everyone!

The gift that keeps on giving

For many, the holidays are times to celebrate family, life, love, and personal goals. However, when you’re single it can be a time of anxiety. It’s a reminder that you are single; either because you are around family or because your family reminds you of the fact. So, what do most people do? Try to fill that void by entertaining the idea of getting back with an ex.

Here are some things that you can remind yourself to prevent you from returning to a failed relationship:

What you do: Although it may be difficult, try not to reminisce about the relationship. When you do that you are only extracting the moments of the relationship you want to remember that were about companionship. You are recalling only the things that created an illusion of belongingness.

What you can do instead: Weigh out the reasons that you are no longer together, when you start to think that they should be back in your life.

What you do: Although the holidays might be emotional for you, remember that most of the world knows pain. Remind yourself of those that have endured different pain e.g. those that go without water or access to food.

What you can do instead: Perhaps volunteer at a local non-profit organization or attend a charity event.

What you do: Try to avoid stalking your ex on social networks. This only stagnates your growth because it occupies your brain with thoughts about your exes’ activities and whereabouts. Instead of mentally preparing yourself for a better relationship and a more realized version of yourself.

What you can do instead: Remind yourself that they are an ex for a reason.

Wow! I have been nominated for the Blog of the Year 2012 Award!

What a true honor of being nominated for the Blog of the Year 2012 Award from one of my favorite bloggers, SimplySimplisticComplexities! Who inspires me with her eloquence of words, honesty in expression, and her amazing creative writing talent! Whether you are dealing with life’s challenges or frustrated with society in general, you will walk away with a sense of calm and peace. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

The ‘rules’ for this award are simple:

Select another blog(s) who deserve the ‘;
Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award;
Include a link back to this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award at the Thought Palette and provide these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alter the rules or the badges!)
Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them
You can now also join our Facebook group – click ‘like’ on this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award Facebook group and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience.
As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

This is in no ranked order. I admire and am inspired by them all equally. The list of my nominees are:

http://ayaime.wordpress.com/

http://bornoutofbourbon.wordpress.com/

http://clarkkent07.wordpress.com/

http://dvsurvivor.com

http://unitednationsdelegate.com/

http://nanafeneba.wordpress.com

http://sweetsavageblood.wordpress.com

http://theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

http://shoegazeandcats.wordpress.com/

http://myyearlongjourney.com/

http://sibonphiri.blogspot.co.uk/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

http://mythoughtlessworld.wordpress.com

http://asylumheaven.wordpress.com/

http://truthseeker411.com/

http://adogwithfleas.wordpress.com/

http://charliezero1.wordpress.com/

http://chinupchesthigh.wordpress.com/

http://quitusingexcuses.com/

http://iamforchange.wordpress.com/

http://whymarriagematters.wordpress.com/

http://truthbunny.wordpress.com/

http://julienmatei.com/

http://corneliusagrippa.wordpress.com/

http://edgeofstupid.net/

http://100daysofphotos.com/

http://yinyangtalk.com/

http://journeythroughlifeblogdotcom.wordpress.com/

http://jeanettesandersen.blogspot.com/

http://lovsnmua.wordpress.com/

http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com/

http://bradfordspeaks.com/

http://whataheartcanhold.wordpress.com/

http://ganeshraam.wordpress.com/

Top 10 things to help you heal from a failed relationship

First, I’d like to thank all of my followers and readers. I am extremely grateful for your support. Many of you I have cried, laughed, cheered, and ranted with. Most of all I feel like we have gotten to a better place together.

When you are not in a relationship, getting over a relationship/divorce, the holidays can be a challenging time of the year. Each relationship we go through really teaches us about what we need or what we needed to overcome to set you up for a healthy relationship. If you’re currently struggling to get over a relationship, there are a few things you can think about to help overcome some of the pain associated with the break-up.

1. Think about the things that lead you to that relationship in the first place.

2. Think about the things that attracted you to the person.

3. Think about what you were looking for before you got into the relationship.

4. Think about the fears you may have had before you got into the relationship.

5. Think about the things you felt before you got into the relationship.

6. What did the person make you feel about yourself?

7. What did they respond to within you?

8. What did you experience that you hadn’t experienced before?

9. Did you see yourself with the person before you met them?

10. Did you date someone out of your character?

Once you have identified the reasons for some of these questions, you’ll have the answers to help propel you to the next relationship. Sometimes, we keep carrying unnecessary burdens into new relationships. You possess the answers to all that you are feeling; you just have to look at the situation from a different angle. The answers are all within you. You can harm or heal yourself. Returning to the point of who you were before the relationship; puts you in a place of empowerment rather than psychological persecution. It’s within understanding the unhealthy relationships that we find ourselves and gets us closer to a healthy relationship.

it IS all about ego!

I think that men are more strategic than women when it comes to dating. Here’s why: they have spent their dating lives figuring out what methods work and how to preserve their ego from rejection. They are better at calculating risk and measuring volatility when it comes to ego preservation. What puts them at an advantage is that they have approached many women to figure out their method. I think they keep all of this information in some sort of spreadsheet like sports stats and go out with these mental stats ready.

Ladies, let’s try to adopt some of their method. Not the approaching people part, but the preservation of ego part. Whether you are dating online, in public or a combination of both; there is nothing more frustrating than being out with someone that you would rather be spending time curled up on your coach in your bunny slippers watching paint dry.

Begin sorting men in categories that are more aligned with what your immediate needs are. Let’s say you’re interested in going out briefly because you are bored of your routine. You’re just interested in not being bored. The people that approach you that night really have the value of entertaining and relieving you of your boredom. They may or may not be what you would want to date, but it serves the purpose of socializing and feeding your ego. When you are less guarded and have no extreme expectations is when you are more yourself. Additionally, when you get your needs met, you are able to go into the next situation less stressed. While you are out, if you encounter people you wouldn’t want to date, engage them with questions that you would really like to get answers to about men. Ask general stuff, but try to avoid relationship based stuff. In case the guy is interested in you, he may give you the “you should be with me”-type answers. Men are very good at telling women all about their gender. Let’s call this category: bored. Score that based on how much your ego was satisfied that you got out of it what you needed.

Let’s say it’s girls night out. You all got dolled up, coordinated your schedules, and are ready to have fun. The purpose of the night is to have fun and catch up. Men approach each one of you throughout the course of the night. Not unusual. Men don’t necessarily pick up on cues that women give off, they see a few girls assembled and think touchdown! This time when men that are not dating material approach one of you, one of you should ask him what he thinks would keep your friend happy. Do that all night long. Collect data and compare notes. Score that based on the responses the men give you. Let’s call this category: comedy night.

The next time you go out, try these methods out. These 2 senarios are really only 1 night out each time, but it will help you out for the next time you go out and meet new people. You won’t feel so overburdened by false expectations, frustrated with meeting the same types of guys, or the stress of not meeting the type of guy that you’d like to date. In both scenarios you really gained insights into the type of man you’d like to be with and you got to assert your ego into scenarios that generally are male ego dominated. Normally, you are listening to them talk about themselves and what they want and how you’d be crazy not to pick them. Try it & let me know how it goes.

Ladies, beware: men are the new women!

Ok, so, when I learned that Spanx, Inc. makes shape wear for men, I couldn’t stop laughing. Not that it’s not a great concept because IT IS! But, that there’s the metrosexual, manscaping, calf implants, and manx! What’s next? Men, enjoy the objectification that women have endured for years! You’re gonna love being told you aren’t good enough and that everything about you has to change.

Let’s begin with examples of our theme: men are the new women. The following list classifies some of the types of new modern man that are seeking someone that can deal with their emotional cycles, insecurities, and rants.

The pity seeker.

This guy chalks his life setbacks and experiences to a series of bad luck. Somehow things don’t pan out for him, yet he doesn’t understand how these things keep happening to him. Watching this guy make attempts that don’t materialize makes it hard to think about a future with him. The draw about this guy is that you really feel for him because you want him to succeed at what he does and these types really want to be a good partner because he wants to please you. The flip-side of that is he likes being a victim in life because he is used to instability in his career, life goals attainment, whatever else he sees as failures. He will be insecure throughout the relationship and when you break up he will seek pity from others by vilifying you.

The jealous types.

This guy is outwardly projecting solid and strength, but internally very insecure. There are a few subtypes within this category. There’s the overbearing and domineering type that wants your cell phone to review your call and text history because he has deep seated trust issues. Then, there’s the guy who thinks that everyone you encounter wants to be with you and let’s you know about it. He is actually secretly jealous of you because of his inability to deal with his own insecurities and can’t deal with your ability to command your life. He doesn’t see where he fits, so he creates one. Both types seem appealing because initially they both come off as very reliable and loyal. Unfortunately, these types can become abusive.

The socially inept type.

This guy feels very uncomfortable in social settings because they are used to interacting with a computer screen and have lost their ability to interact with humans. In addition to know knowing how to function in social settings, they are also oblivious to social cues and are unable to read human behavior appropriately. These guys usually have an equally inept social circle, if they have one. Initially the draw might be the shyness, but their social awkwardness usually stems from childhood. These guys deal with their emotions via their Facebook walls because that is their support network. This guy will break up with you via text/email.

YOU'RE JUST A DUMBASS

Date smarter.