Sex with a Brazilian woman

Random guy at a bar starts chatting me up. Tells me all about his living arrangements, relocation drama, & work. Tells me how German laws are very lenient around manslaughter. How did we get to this topic, you ask? “Well, in Germany you can rape children and only be put on probation.” Really? “I’ll give you an example. A friend of mine who is involved with the Russian mob, was chasing a guy down to beat him with a bat. The victim is naturally running away, but gets hit by a car and becomes paralyzed for life. My friend served no sentence in prison. He was just put on probation.”

“Wow. Any other secrets you want to tell me about?”

“Yes. I have a bucket list.”

“Oh yeah? It doesn’t involve maiming anyone does it?”

“No. I’d like to have sex with a Brazilian women [meaning me].” So, if you can let me know within the next half hour if that can happen. I’m staying in this hotel.”

“Looks like you’ll be masturbating to the idea, then.”

“You mean you would turn down good sex?”

“Good bye!”

I told you this ridiculous story to tell you this. After telling me about his own shady run ins with the law, that he has taken every drug known to man, and that he had a recipe for crystal meth on him; he thought it was gonna get him laid? Oh and that he is good sex, according to him. People: Am I crazy?

Coke & Porn

Went out on a date with this guy who has had interest in me for a while. During the course of the date, he informs me that his coke habit is now reduced and that he is improving his lifestyle all together. Great! Then he delves into his requirements while he is on coke. First, he needs to be alone and realized that he was isolating himself from many of his friends. Makes sense.

coke

The second reason he has to be alone is because he needs to watch porn to relax while on cocaine! “Really? But aren’t they both stimulants?” “Yes, but you can’t get hard while on coke.”  “Right.”

After the date is over, he informs that he is not interested in anything exclusive or a committed thing. Really?  Wait! I thought it was perfectly acceptable to be in an exclusive isolated relationship with your coke habit and porn collection!

The #1 person we lie to is ourselves.

200449277-001Dating tips

Sometimes the idea of being in a relationship has more value to us than compatibility in the relationship, equity in the relationship, or just plain happiness. The idea can create illusions that you’re in a healthy relationship because it is what we choose not to see.  Even though we might not be aware of it consciously, subconsciously we are compensating for the elements that are missing. So, it becomes a perfectly fine relationship.

Some people compensate with a dog, others with their computer, ice cream, etc. 🙂 Most of us are trying to create balance and seeking happiness. Do we recognize how we are compensating? Not all of the time. We have to be made aware of it. The #1 person we lie to is ourselves.

If you think this:

“S/He may not have X things that I would like, but it works for now.”

“It’s okay that we don’t do X (the things that I enjoy), I’m happy to have companionship.”

“It’s ok that he doesn’t want children, I wasn’t that sure about having them anyway.”

Then maybe you need to be reminded of:

Anything that you have desired for your lifestyle is what shouldn’t be deleted off your list.

Your ideal partner will compliment your goals, desires and assist in fulfilling your dreams.

Ideas about people and relationships create illusions that distort our perception of reality.

Naked with the dog

This date was courtesy of pof. After several attempts at scheduling a date because of dog sitting issues, we finally meet for dinner. He had just returned from a vacation with his dog. Just the 2 of them. Very cute, right? Or creepy, whatever. He seemed to be nice enough. While at dinner he explained how they had a lovely relaxing time (yes, him & the dog), he’s had to hire 3 dog sitters because the dog was bored of the first 2, satisfied with his job, and now looking to form the next phase of his life. I’m listening, answering his questions, engaging in conversation.

He says to me “you know I feel so comfortable with you. Like I can share anything with you.”

“Aww that’s very sweet thank you!” Right?

He leans in and says “I want to share something personal with you”.

“I am flattered. Please feel free. “

“You know I really love my dog.” Yes, I do. “I love playing with him. We love playing with each other. He really gets me through some of the loneliness I feel, sometimes.”

“Of course. That’s awesome that you have the dog in your life to help you through those times. People underestimate how much companionship, caring, love, and responsibility a dog provides. Some people treat their dogs as they would a child.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that. So many people don’t understand that kind of feeling you get from a pet. In fact, I’d like to tell you something else.” [Leans in closer]. “I play with my dog naked.”

“WHAT?”

“Yes, I mean, the dog is naked; why shouldn’t I be? I really like the feeling of his fur on my naked body.”

I get up from the table. He says” where are you going? Are you offended by this?”

Oh, absolutely not. I just forgot that I had to play with my cat.