You couldn’t even turn off the porn?
The stats on this guy:
Age: 40
Occupation: MD
Seeking: Long Term Relationship

Lavalife, like most online dating sites, has several search options. I met him in the LTR chat section. We had a lot in common, we were getting along, he seemed really interesting and it was mutual. So, we decide to have a phone conversation, where we talked for an hour! We were intrigued and excited to see each other based on a really interesting conversation.

We decide to meet up a week later. Chemistry was great, we were both very attracted to each other, very free-flowing conversation, overall had a great date. He called me that same night reiterated his interest and wanted to go on a second date. Cool. The whole week we we’re texting each other every day. Second date was better than the first. I mean he not only practices medicine, he also wants to perfect a technique to improve recovery time on patients. [You can just picture small kittens at this point]. Really nice guy, sweet, compassionate, a little bit of a homebody for me, but all around good guy. Definitely looking forward to our next date. Finally I break my serial one date online dating pattern with someone who I was very intrigued by.

Same thing: he calls me when the date is over. This time he has noise on in the background so loud that I had to comment. It sounded like stethoscopeporn. “Is that porn?” “Yes. I can’t turn the volume down.” And continued his conversation. I tried to go with the flow. Shush don’t judge. But the screaming kept me very unfocused. Doesn’t bother to pause it or anything that might make sense. So, I simply say “Is she screaming?” Quiet, then in a very breathy voice says yes. Nice! “Are you jerking off?” In shorter breaths says “I’m thinking about your ass!” Then cums. I naturally hang up, not because I don’t like a little phone sex. I just like to know that I’m gonna be participating. He continued to call me all night long.

Talent powered by lavalife.

Stop dating assholes!

Let me give you the timeframe: coke & porn and bucket list boy were all within 1 week. I am a firm believer in giving people opportunities.

A friend of mine said “Listen, we all date assholes till we meet the right one.” At the time I thought it was a harsh statement, but he’s right. Not that the people I date are assholes; because who we choose to date is a reflection of who we are and what we think we want. While dating, we are really testing out the combination of qualities, characteristics, and life desires we are looking for. We discover the things that we thought we wanted might not be what we need.

Approaching dating as though it is testing out our happiness hypothesis or algorithm can help minimize some of our own expectations. Create an equation that includes the elements that you absolutely require (fixed variable) and the elements that you think you want (random variable). Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires. For example: a friend of mine has the following requirements of the men she dates: ivy educated, graduate degree, professional, shared religion, family-oriented, certain age range, & certain height requirements. Physical appearance, sense of humor, adventurous, and work-life balance are not priorities for her. Identify the elements that you think you must have and those that you’d like to have.  You might find that dating based on a system testing out your happiness hypothesis, will help you figure out what is a better fit for yourself.

The other elements about finding the right person are far more complex. Being in the right frame of mind + the right place + the right time + right chemistry + the person also possessing the right set of characteristics.

You might also find that you will feel less pressure on making the wrong person fit the model and essentially you’ll stop dating assholes.

Naked with the dog

This date was courtesy of pof. After several attempts at scheduling a date because of dog sitting issues, we finally meet for dinner. He had just returned from a vacation with his dog. Just the 2 of them. Very cute, right? Or creepy, whatever. He seemed to be nice enough. While at dinner he explained how they had a lovely relaxing time (yes, him & the dog), he’s had to hire 3 dog sitters because the dog was bored of the first 2, satisfied with his job, and now looking to form the next phase of his life. I’m listening, answering his questions, engaging in conversation.

He says to me “you know I feel so comfortable with you. Like I can share anything with you.”

“Aww that’s very sweet thank you!” Right?

He leans in and says “I want to share something personal with you”.

“I am flattered. Please feel free. “

“You know I really love my dog.” Yes, I do. “I love playing with him. We love playing with each other. He really gets me through some of the loneliness I feel, sometimes.”

“Of course. That’s awesome that you have the dog in your life to help you through those times. People underestimate how much companionship, caring, love, and responsibility a dog provides. Some people treat their dogs as they would a child.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that. So many people don’t understand that kind of feeling you get from a pet. In fact, I’d like to tell you something else.” [Leans in closer]. “I play with my dog naked.”

“WHAT?”

“Yes, I mean, the dog is naked; why shouldn’t I be? I really like the feeling of his fur on my naked body.”

I get up from the table. He says” where are you going? Are you offended by this?”

Oh, absolutely not. I just forgot that I had to play with my cat.