She is a Behavioral Scientist and Clinician with 17 years of experience in mental health, behavioral science, and public health. She is the DRR_CS_NR_HPLauthor of a very tongue-in-cheek relationship wellness blog, “YOU’RE JUST A DUMBASS”, to help people select and maintain healthy relationships and avoid some of the difficult life lessons that one encounters in suboptimal relationships. Β On http://yourejustadumbass.com, she shares research and data-driven techniques that she developed to help clients with creating relationship wellness in their lives .Β 

She is also a contributing writer for the HuffPost, where she shares her latest research findings on current dating trends and provides evidence-based solutions to address some of the suboptimal relationship challenges. She holds an MSW from the University of Michigan and a BA from Hunter College. She has been featured on FOX, NBC, HuffPostLive, ABC, PR Newswire, Google, Vice. Broadly, Stylecaster, and Bustle.

Disclaimer For legal purposes around confidentiality and disclosure, names and identifies have been changed.

Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist, clinician, and blogger, shared her blog engagement secrets on ProfNet's #ConnectChatgcreate_featuregmainpagefeature

287 thoughts on “About

  1. Online dating is the worst! I have met dysfunctional men living with their moms and or ex girlfriend still married just seeing what else is out there no jobs no cars pot heads open relationship with married couples liars theives cheaters sexual deviants several children with several moms misrepresentation of themselves obsessed with dressing up their cats lying about their height (says6’2 but a actually 4’5)!!! Is a BIG difference and men who try to sleep with my friends after it doesnt work with me ewwww!!! Sick of the wrong ones and hope to find the right one someday πŸ™‚

    1. Sally, sorry to hear about your negative experiences. Unfortunately, these experiences are par for the course when online dating. The sad thing is that men who are insecure in the public use online to practice being the same insecure guy. I think I’m gonna develop a screeneer to help us avoid these traps. Nothing worst than having to be subjected to people’s bs/cock size issues.

      You will absolutely find the right one, Sally, because you have standards and know what you want. That’s where you are ahead of the game. Think about the flip side: your friends who are sleeping w/your rejects.

      It works for some people, you know. I don’t want to knock it for those that have had success off of it. I, like you, don’t like dating the masquerade of their personae in hopes that the real person shows up to the party.

    2. If you are unhappy and disconnected in self then you will seek out what is out there in the world.. It is hidden in some regards you find that meeting someone online will have something romantic in it because an identity is created and they have to think before they write. This in fact is true to a certain point. Identity’s are created to hide from self. This is the place of mind controlled dominance that will lead always to a form of disaster. You are filled with love my friend.. embrace that and the other vibrations of love will draw themselves to you. In other words much time spent on thinking about those types will draw those types to you.. If you focus inside yourself and find the light of your love in yourself those that mirror that same will find their way to you! I wish you love my friend!

  2. Get out of an abusive relationship ASAP! If you get involved with a married man dont be so naive. Everything he says is to make himself look good. If he can’t admit what he did wrong to mess up his relationship he is lying. You are already disrespecting the wife by sleeping with him don’t be disrespecful when she confronts you. Humble yourself. You are wrong.

    1. Thanks Aprille for your passionate response and warning to women who might not be/are aware they are getting involved with a married man!

      In the case of online dating, men & women have to be cautious about the different levels of lying that goes on. People who want to deceive others and think they can get away with it find the internet the perfect place to do it.

      People who seek to deceive act like predators (online and in real life) by intentionally manipulating others to get what they want. Their target is not always aware they are being manipulated. Ultimately, though, we allow ourselves to be manipulated and those that manipulate are insecure.

      Several people have been writing me asking about being able to detect people’s bs better. So, I’m going to develop a screener for people to better detect manipulation. Thanks for reminding me of how important it is!

  3. You all have great points. The key is to be confident and secure in your own purpose and know when you are taken for a ride. Sometime the latter requires experience. My rule of thumb is not to trust anyone 100%. Be curious and constantly testing, cause most people cannot be faithful. @Sally, I have encountered the 6’2″ – but 4’5″ and those are the worst. Always criticizing others and bypassing themselves. lolo

    Also, when you are “confident” be prepared to be called a “bitch”. My way of being straight forward, confident and in control works for me and I don’t care if the guys can’t keep up.

    I have done the string of online dating. As a matter of fact I have dated 10 guys in a 1 month period. Nothing sexual, just hanging out and getting to know them. It was tough as some were boring, too cocky and tried to convince me to get into bed with them. Lame game, but I did find 3 of the 10 that passed my tests and I am currently dating one. So online dating can work, it just takes patience.

  4. Thank you Evangelical Cougar for your very honest and poignant advice. I absolutely agree with you: online dating is another method of meeting people. In some ways it is a more efficient method because you can set the parameters based on what you want to exclusively date. It is rare to walk into a bar and only find 35-44, PhD’s that are looking for LTR (for example). I like that I can set the search criteria and exclusively date that for awhile.
    The good part about online dating is that you can will have plenty of dates and you can test what combination of qualities and characteristics you think you want or need.

    1. No, thank you! I am crafting a response to your time=linear post. Great insights on your NPR post!

      Looking forward to your reading and viewing your work!

  5. Thank you for checking out my blog. I’m going through and reading your blog right now and I have to say I’m thoroughly intrigued. Especially since I am currently going through a difficult time. But yeah, loving what I’m reading so far. Thank you for creating something like this. How did I not come across this blog before?

    1. Soo happy that you find it helpful! Sorry you are going through difficulties right now. Know that you have amazing talent and resilience. You inspire with all of your writing and your products. You are helping hundreds of thousands in areas where it is most needed. If you need to reach out to me, please do not hesitate. I am here for you!

      Thank you for your kind words! Glad you came across it and I came across yours! Your words reached out to me!

    1. P.S….I tried online dating and thought I did meet a man or 2 who wasn’t a total creep…I’ve just found there are too many liars to bother with it. Oddly enough, I’ve had better luck meeting men on sites like AFF where the main attraction is sex partners…..men who have remained in my life for nearly 3 years. But of course, they are as fucked up as I am….Who knew?

      1. Thanks for your insightful comments! That’s interesting! But it makes sense to me. It’s closely related to what we think we want & a straight up honest approach. Men or women don’t really know what we want all the time. It can start off as being satisfied with a non committed casual relationship that turns into long term committed. People confuse what they want with what they need and vice versa. At least hook up sites you can’t delude yourself about what they are expecting from you in the relationship. So, there is nothing wrong with you.

        But, the one thing we can all agree on is the frustration with the amount of lies that we have to decode to be with the person & tolerate with online dating.

  6. Thank you for the Like. I have been looking over your blog. It has given me a clearer idea of what i should be blogging about. I would be happy to provide you with a free copy of my book. don’t worry its short. I would very much like to hear your comments. i believe it relates to at least some of the issues you address. thanks again.

      1. Even if for only the title, irreverence can be very effective. πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the smile. Now…back to writing for me. I have some catching up to do!!

  7. Thanks for liking my latest post on ontheedgeblog.com/! I’m glad I found your blog as I just read a bunch of your posts — whew, verrry interesting! And glad you give advice. As I’m a lifelong writer with what seems like an infinity of experiences/relationships — good, bad and horrid.– but I just go with ecstatic or anguished narrative, music, photos.

  8. Thanks, Carolan, for checking out mine and finding it helpful! Yeah, mine is a combination of learning from the mistakes I made and laughing at myself! All in hopes of helping others avoid some/any of the same things!

    1. A lot of pain, abandoning the vestiges of my former self and rebirth, my friend. Not gonna lie to you-not easy.

      Thanks for the compliment! I really appreciate it!

      I really love your writing. It’s brilliant, genuine, honest, & courageous! Very impressive!

  9. Just wanted you to know how much I love your blog, advice and fantastic support!.
    If you haven’t already been nominated many times over – I nominated you for the Versatility Blog Award!

  10. Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the “like” on my recent post. I’m happy you enjoyed reading it.

    Your blog is wonderful! I’ve already had fun reading several of your posts — very entertaining and great advice, too!

  11. Hi There! I’m so sorry that I’ve been out of touch! I saw that you nominated me for a lovely blog award a while back and I wanted to thank you thank you thank you! You also sent an e-mail (I think) about a online group….but it got lost in my e-mail mountain. Can you resend? I’m so happy to see your writing is getting the attention it deserves πŸ™‚ I’ve been on a break from writing, but things have settled down and I’m back. Hope to hear from you soon!

    1. It is truly my pleasure to nominate you for any award! you are so talented. Thank you so much for your kind words and support!!!! I really appreciate it! So flattered and honored to have been featured 4 different times!

      I will re-send the information to your email. Glad you are back to writing! Am looking forward to reading new posts!

  12. Thanks for visiting my political post on terrorism. Did you note the comment Invisible Mikey made? All too often the knee-jerk reaction is to blame the “usual suspects” even when there is no evidence and all your past blames were wrong.
    Your blog looks interesting and is full of useful advice. I am glad you are a professional at this and not some wild-eyed geek who has been married ten times and hasn’t a clue as to why any of them failed.

      1. Actually, very few “get it” when I talk about things, thus my blog on Wednesdays. If enough people read what I write, and out of those, I cause someone to think, I am happy. But I usually get dismissed and ignored when I speak on an issue. I was told once that it was all too easy to dismiss my comments except that I made a good comment once in a while. Most people think good comments are just those that agree with their preconceptions. I try to not do that and sometimes I succeed. My Father told me in October of 1964: Unless you honestly look at both sides of an issue, you don’t have an opinion – you are just a parrot. It took years to see his wisdom but I try to follow it now.

        1. Brilliant advice! I love it a parrot! This is complicated because people react based on their experience, perception and life relevance. It takes time for people to get to a well rounded perspective some just won’t. The best way to reach people is hope that those you do reach, you impact. If that doesn’t give you solace, I have a little saying to: muppets: you have to shove your hand up their ass to make their mouth move. πŸ˜‰

  13. Hi there. Thank you so much for visiting Word Share Junkie! I’m so glad you liked my latest post on NICE. I am definitely following your blog. This gal could use a little relationship advice!

    Have a great week!

          1. Oh, no way! I wish! I’ve just started to focus on my writing this year. I am working on a series of eBooks first that I can self-publish, and hoping it will pick up from there. I have so many ideas, and so little time! But I’m doing it little by little. Giving up is not my style. =)

            Any advice?

            1. I am actually doing the same thing πŸ™‚ I’m planning on converting the content on the blog to a book. I still have a few more chapters to go, then I will begin the formal writing part πŸ™

              A book is the new business card πŸ™‚

              Your content is really great and thought provoking.
              Your gonna be super successful!

              1. Aww, it makes me so happy to hear you say that! Your blog looks amazing. I need to spice up my design a bit.

                That’s great. That’s sort of what I am doing too. I started this blog as a way to get out there and gauge interest in the sort of content I’m really passionate about. Each book in my series will expand on some of the topics I discuss in the blog. Sort of like little “live life happier” manuals.

                I think with passion and perseverance, we will both do great! It’s really good to chat with someone who is working towards the same goal.

                1. That has been my strategy too. Piloting the content to see if the market is out there, people like my style, the messages have impact. All of the technical side was important to me!

                  Thanks so much for your compliment! I am glad that it doesn’t bore people πŸ™‚

                  Likewise, it is very nice to find someone that is going through the same process in pursuit of their dreams! I agree we will be successful because we don’t know or accept failure!

                  Thanks for being a source of inspiration for me today! I want to hear about all of your successes!

                  1. Same here. It’s so important to test the market a bit. I’ve seen my message has also been impactful, and the blog has been growing slowly but surely. It is a great satisfaction to my little heart!

                    It’s so hard sometimes to make time for your true passions with all the other responsibilities of life, but so well worth it!

                    You’re very welcome, and THANK YOU for reminding me why I put my heart and soul into this, and that there are others out there pushing just as hard as I am towards something great.

                    I will be sure to keep you updated on progress, and you do the same. =)

                    1. Thanks so much! It is very rewarding to watch the growth of the blog, readership, engagement. Especially because I laugh every time I say my blogs name. LOL

                      So glad that people can look past the name and react to the content. But it is a big risk to put out ideas that you think can be beneficial to many and hope that people come by and read it!

                      Such a pleasure meeting you and looking forward to our new relationship! xoxoxo

                    2. Yes!! It’s absolutely terrifying! I doubt myself a lot, and then I find a way to push through all of that every time someone lets me know they enjoyed a post or benefited from it in some way. Or even when I get a new like or follow. I also keep reminding myself that nothing great was ever accomplished without risk!

                      I too was a little thrown off by the name of your blog, lol, but then “got it” as I visited and read through a bit. I like that you took a risk with the name!

                      I too look forward to more sharing with you. Plus I love xoxoxoxs. My kind of gal!


                    3. I really love the process. I get excited to see what reaction I’m gonna get.

                      Yeah the name is often misunderstood. It’s not meant to be insulting; it’s meant to be thought-provoking, challenging, and introspective. So glad I didn’t turn you off the blog πŸ™‚

                      I’ll send you a OM so that we could continue to connect!

  14. Your advice is free of fundamental life necessities such as a good paying job and an honest, sincere, and truthful personality. Without these basics your adult life will have a high probability of being unsatisfying, frustrating, disappointing and problem filled.Being very attractive or handsome may give you an advantage over others without many of life’s necessary prerequisites but without enough money and a good personality you may doom yourself to being a permanent loser in life in the long duration. How to plan and work towards a better paying job and how to become a trustworthy human who can communicate well with the opposite sex are more important priorities than just avoiding being a dumbass with bad social and hygiene skills. Best wishes. Uldis

    1. You are right many things have to be in place. This blog focuses just on relationships and the decisions we make while we are in them.

      The other topics are important too, but that will be the topic for other blogs πŸ™‚

      Thanks so much for sharing your insights! I really appreciate it!

  15. Love your page title:)
    Thanks for visiting my page and liking what you saw. By doing so, it gives me the opportunity to visit your site and many others. I’m new to blogging and am finding I like this inter-action very much. Thank for your support and I look forward to following you.

  16. “You’re just a dumbass”…. finally! Some one can confirm what my mother has been saying for years!

    You strike me as the Jillian Michaels (hotheaded trainer from the biggest loser) of the dating world. Direct, in your face “shut up and go plant one on his lips, you pussy!” straight talk. πŸ™‚
    I’m not sure what your success rate is from all these tips… but it’s entertaining nonetheless. And good work on earning those blog achievements. A real jerk like you deserves some recognition now and then!

    1. Thanks for the compliment I think πŸ˜‰ I’m really not that rough, but I am very direct.

      Oh it’s 15 years of sweat & tears πŸ˜‰ I’m taking the most effective techniques I’ve developed for the blog. So, I have positive interaction on the blog. So far, of those that I have followed up with, there is a 100% success rate.

      I am far from a jerk, but thanks for the compliment on the blog’s accomplishment! I really appreciate the feedback. I didn’t realize it was coming off so mean!

      1. Oh come now, dear! I may not have been entirely, completely, utterly serious with the jerk comment πŸ˜› You’re fine, you’re fine πŸ™‚ (simply teasing the name)

        You actually have a pleasant style — more from the perspective of a gal who’s been forged in the fire — not like the many yahoo-ish articles written by women that sound like their only date in the last 20 years has consisted of lonely nights spent with a romance novel.

        1. Thanks so much for the compliment on the blog, my style and perspective! Didn’t you know I am the 3 Bs: beauty, brains, body LOL oh and bitchy, let’s not forget bitchy! lol

          I really am glad you enjoyed my blog as much as I enjoyed yours. I love the name! The Ideal Body Type was a seriously great article! Looks like I am not the only one that likes to be bitchy πŸ˜‰

          1. Hey who are you calling bitchy, jerk!
            And yes, I figured you were just those things. From the moment I saw you avatar I immediately thought, “Ah, yep… She’s a triple B!” πŸ˜› Or was it a MEGA B…

              1. Woah, putting me on the spot here! I hadn’t written out the description yet, but here’s a simple sampling:

                The story of a neurotic little man and the adventures which take place at his bizarrely bland office, filled with the most despicable of characters, where he goes entirely unnoticed and underappreciated… But it is not until one particularly strange occurrence comes about that he is forced into a deathly struggle, with comical and absurd consequences. A painfully needless situation brought on by the result of his social ineptitude, which only furthers the outlandish events that transpire within. The psychological unraveling of a man who was never meant, or should never have been allowed, to set foot in the public arena.

                1. Thanks for sharing! Sounds like an interesting read. Is the attribute of the neurosis his social phobia? Can we extrapolate that this is a projection into the future for our changing (non)communication patterns?

                  Are you self publishing/publishing house?

                  1. Well… I don’t know about all that nonsense! You might just call it an autobiography. But I would tend to agree with your conclusion — aside from the social phobia. He is simply a man unaware. Like those smelly people around stores. You just want to run up and ask them, “Don’t you know you stink!?” And they never do πŸ˜›

                    I’ll be e-book-e-self-publishing this one (dash-happy!).

                    1. Very astute of you S.R. πŸ˜‰ So, in essence it becomes him. Nice, very nice. A book about the central character lacking self-awareness.

                      Oh-nice. πŸ™‚ Are you using a PR company for distribution or are you using your own strategy?

                      The reason I am being so nosey is that I, as well as, many of my subscribers are also interested in publishing. Since you are an accomplished writer, I decided to interrogate you πŸ™‚

                    2. Well, I wouldn’t go that far! Calling me an accomplished writer is about the equivalent of calling a kid making pancakes on Saturday morning an accomplished baker!

                      I’m fairly new to the experience myself. As of yet I’ve only e-published one other book – CRAPLET (The Abbreviated Tales) – over on amazon kindle. I believe it ranked in the top 80 or so for its genre πŸ˜› …at one point! More finished books on the ol’ hard drive, but still in the final editing stages. After doing a bit of research into the topic, it doesn’t seem that the publishing houses/PR efforts are yielding any better results than the popular self-published authors. I’ve been reaching out and communicating with a number of other writers who have garnered a bit of success going the same route, or close to it. Attempting to discover bits of wisdom here and there. The common elements.

                      Are you considering publishing books related to the dating topic? Non-fiction?

                    3. Yes, I have been piloting chapters of a book series on the blog. But, am not done yet. Trying to decide what route to take. Of course one of the titles will be You’re Just a Dumbass πŸ™‚

                      Thank you for the advice! Keep us posted on your progress!

                    4. With a title like that and your already somewhat sizable following, you’re in a great position to start off πŸ™‚

                      A lot of publishers won’t consider new authors unless they have a hefty fanbase established already. I’m not sure of the exact number, as it varies from place to place, but 5,000 isn’t a bad one! I’m sure you could use that wonderful charm of yours to weasel your way in πŸ™‚

                    5. That’s the thing what constitutes a sizable following? I think overall it should be about the blog’s engagement performance not per click performance.
                      But, I am very grateful for the idea connecting to so many πŸ™‚

                      But, you are right and that is why I piloted on the blog. I wanted to test the content’s responsiveness, appeal, my style, tone, the target audience, etc. Because in my mind it was a great idea, but it could be that no one would ever read it.

                      But thank you for being my cheerleader!

                      Once I start the process, I’ll keep you posted!

                    6. Yes, by all means please do!

                      Your only concern now should be about hiding the fact that your content is crap, for as long as you can πŸ˜›

                      You should toss that baby out there. Put it together and let it go to work. If you ever need an outside opinion or some brutal feedback, feel free to send your musings my way.

                      Slap your accolades on the cover, reference your blog so they can see the girl knows what she’s talking about! Let’s be honest, if that goofball “Mystery” can concoct a successful dating book… You’ll give him some stiff competition!

                      I have another project in the works, a bit of a satire/spoof on the dating books. It’s under the working title of: Landing the Big One: A Player’s Guide to Picking Up Fat Chicks (something along those lines, I mainly enjoy Landing the Big One)

                    7. Thanks so much for the kind offer! Very sweet of you!

                      I know you are probably right, but I want to have a full strategy in place before I do it. Thanks for being my cheerleader!!!

                      Hilarious!!! I love it!!! How has the reaction been? For some reason, I thought that this was the book that you were going to describe earlier. I do have to say that women will be outraged that you’re using fat chicks in the title. Use BBW or something that women use to label themselves.

                      How long are you gonna push content through on the blog?

                    8. Certainly πŸ™‚

                      And nope, sorry to disappoint! πŸ™ Was just a simple book about a loser.

                      Oh well, you know those portly types always find something to gripe about πŸ˜› Well… as expected, I think the male viewer reaction has been, uhhh–more favorable we will say…

                      I could always go with: Reeling in the Whale

                      Content wise… unsure at the moment. Depends on how much of the crap I can churn out. But who knows, those rotund n’ rare beauties of the world are quite inspiring πŸ˜›

  17. Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking “Searching for a Man of Quality”. I’m looking forward to reading your blog. I love the word “sub-optimal” however I definitely would like to switch it to “Optimal” in my life experiences, online dating can be such a blow to one’s self-esteem if one isn’t careful. But in reality it gets my dander up and drives me towards keeping to my standards instead of settling for something sub-par.

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed my post as much as I enjoyed yours!

      Thanks so much for your kind words and sharing your thoughts with us! I, too, love the word suboptimal πŸ˜‰

      That is a very self-preserving way to approach dating. Very smart. Wish that more women would not let it impact their self-esteem & their standards!

      Looking forward to reading your blog, too!

  18. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Congrats on winning your dating blog award. Look forward to reading your perspectives on dating. I’ve read a few of your post and have enjoyed them. Playing naked with dogs?! Really??? Thanks again!

    1. Thank you for visiting my blog!! So glad you enjoy my work! Yeah naked with the dog-all for your entertainment πŸ™‚ Don’t know what’s worse: a) the fact that he felt comfortable to tell me, b) that he does it or c) both πŸ™‚

      Looking forward to reading more of your blog Mm!

        1. LOL!!! Yeah, it does!!! I can look back at it now and laugh! I was annoyed with myself for even going on the date with such a db πŸ™‚ And simultaneously, wanted to punch him in the face for making me get dressed for a date with a normal person πŸ™‚

          Have a great night/day πŸ™‚

  19. Thank you for taking time to read and like my “Key To Happiness” blog! I feel in deed complemented. I love your honest approach, and your courage to put it out there. Wishing you all good things, Elizabeth

    1. Thanks so much Elizabeth! I really appreciate you stopping by my blog and leaving your kind note! So glad you enjoyed my blog as much as I liked yours! Thank you for inspiring all of us who read it! Have a great week Elizabeth!!!

  20. I am now following your blog and not soon enough. You write extremely well and I can feel your words. If you can make the reader do that then you are one hell of a writer. Keep going!

      1. I wish your blog page was “I am one hell of a writer” or “if I look in the mirror and keep repeat I am a dumb ass I might start to believe it…” Not good. Just a thought… I’m just a man who fixes phone wires for the largest telecommunications company in the world.. What do I know.. Peace

        1. Lol yeah those titles wouldn’t make people stop & read the blog! Let alone write a thoughtful comment! I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts & feedback on my blog!

          All of those compliments, Juan-I think you’re the most brilliant guy I know πŸ˜‰

          1. I’ve taken a few classes to get me to where I am: Stupidity 101, Insensitivity 201, Sleepwalking and Behaving As Such 255 wait I needed to take Being Asleep201. No you are awake at a young age so you won’t need all these courses. I now am taking graduate course.. My major is Living Awake…

            1. Lol funny thing I took similar classes, but now I take that new thing: fuck it all do you πŸ˜‰ It’s great! I feel so much better, I get more compliments, no one stabs me in the back to get ahead…
              You know all of the things you hear about living out loud & on purpose πŸ˜‰

                1. We all have to make mistakes to become who we are πŸ˜‰

                  I started reading your blog after your first comment πŸ˜‰ I am so moved by the first story! Amazing! It’s a true story, right?

                  Heading over to your blog, now πŸ˜‰

      1. It’s funny. You have a really good way of writing but I probably wouldn’t have looked if not for the cool name and the attractive photo. Guess you can be both pretty and witty !

        1. Aww thanks so much! I’m gonna need you to stop by my page every morning and tell me this again πŸ™‚ lol

          Yeah, I don’t think people usually think the blog is going to be as balanced and non-bitchy as it is. And people don’t think that I look like a scientist πŸ™‚

          Thanks once again for the great compliments! Glad that the content has you hooked πŸ™‚

          1. Ah you see I am a scientist too so I know only too well that we come in all sorts of weird and wonderful flavours.

            With regards to the compliments, ha, well I’m sure I could compliment you often but I might start making you big headed and why would I want to spoil it !?

            I hope we will be able to interact more; if not just so I can see your gravatar more. But I’m always interested in these sorts of blogs. Nothing beats a personable blog about life lessons. Mine ‘s more rant-orientated.

            1. So glad that I have someone I can geek out with!!! Neuroscience, huh? Nice, very nice.

              Thanks for being concerned about my ego πŸ™‚

              Absolutely! In fact, we should connect across all of the social network channels that are connected to WP. I just read your boxers rant! Hilarious! Didn’t think that one could create a stimulating conversation about the changes in UK undergarment apparel standards, yet I stand corrected! Thank you! πŸ™‚

              1. Oh I know. It’s a tragic indictment of our wayward society when a man can no longer find a good pair of fitted boxers. So tragic, but I’m glad it touched you. I try. I really do. Just like I try to protect your ego πŸ˜‰

                And indeed, I do love a good geek out. I am very much treating WordPress as a bit of an experiment. I think so far it is going well. As you will probably notice through my general ranting, my skills with the fairer sex, and by skills, I mean just communicating, is not ideal. I hope to remedy that!

                1. You are the best!!! πŸ™‚

                  Yeah, it’s a natural extension of being a scientist to have everything be in a lab first πŸ™‚ What are your goals with the blog?

                  By our little back and forth looks like your sharpening your communication skills and wit πŸ˜‰

                  1. I have no endpoint per say. It is more a moving target. Effectively, one thing is that I seem to become emotionally involved with most women I become friends with which makes things become quite difficult. Especially if they are involved with someone else. My first aim therefore is to really work on building relationships with people and trying not to analyse them or trying to assign necessarily emotional implications to them. If I have female friends, that is great, and they don’t need to be more or less.

                    You could also say that I am trying to sharpen my communication skills. I mean, granted, I am already hilarious but you gotta keep developing right ? πŸ˜‰

                    1. And charming. Oh, and humble. You forgot those descriptors πŸ™‚

                      Oh, that’s great it’s personal development. That is a great method and strategy. Using the internet to sharpen your emotional detachment! Brilliant πŸ™‚ It will most certainly improve your communication skill because your reaction response time is being modified. Which improves your conflict negotiation and listening skills.

                    2. Oh you are very flattering! You are quite the charming person yourself! I am very happy to have made your acquaintance today! Even if you made me blush!

                      I think my emotional detachment situation is quite complicated but I am tired of falling off people who are emotional unavailable or unreceptive. My entire life, I have been of a follower of the mantra that friends is the best starting point for a long term relationship but it seems now that whenever I make it to that stage with a woman – I start to wonder. Part of me wants to stop that now! Otherwise, you end up losing friends!

                    3. Likewise! This has been a great conversation! Glad to get a rise out of you πŸ˜‰

                      Yeah the problem with that is that you are trying to save her on some level (perhaps from herself). The minute you begin looking at why you endure those relationships the quicker you will stop attracting it.

                      You are right that is a successful model for relationships. You just can’t build the relationship on a codependent factor. You getting them to be more emotionally available.

                    4. I actually think I probably could continue chatting to you for a lot longer ! It’s a pity that WordPress does not provide us with a messaging service. You have made it very difficult to get out of bed this morning !

                      I would really like to talk more ! If you haven’t followed me, I hope you do but please do stay in touch regardless. But sadly, my shower now calls me! I also need to pick out my outfit haha (kidding!)

                    5. Oh I think I will. Thank you for making my day start so well. I don’t really use any of the following but perhaps I should do a twitter feed for my blog. Ah I don’t know. Just stay in touch ! You gave me the best pillow talk I have ever had! πŸ˜‰

                    6. More like you are modest. You are smart and a great conversationalist. It’s been a lot of fun. My only regret is that I have to work.

                      I really hope you have a great day though X

  21. After reading your introduction,I think I would like to hear what you have to say. Not because I should, but because I want to.
    Would be coming around often πŸ™‚
    Have a fun weekend πŸ™‚

  22. thank you for several likes you’ve put up on my writing. i failed to respond the first time because i thought “your just a dumbass” was the comment, thus proving yourself right! i’m all sorted out now and thanks for reading.

  23. Hi! Wow this is a cool blog. I sure am grateful you visited mine, now I can explore yours. I was so confused when you liked my post, I thought someone had commented “You’re just a dumbass” on my post. Then I realised and laughed. I like how you are helping others with your advice on here πŸ™‚ Keep it up!

    1. Aww thanks so much for the compliments! I really appreciate your support!

      Lol someone else said the same thing recently! I hope people don’t think that & never look at my blog πŸ™‚

      So glad you enjoyed mine as much as I enjoyed yours!

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

      1. Who knows? It may attract people too! It is a wonderful blog so if they look it will be well worth it.
        I wonder what you thought about my post that you liked? Being in the field that you are πŸ™‚

        1. I loved your raw honesty! You laid out your circumstance & pensively explored it!

          I agree with the piece of advice that you were given: follow your heart. You putting it out their for the public to read & comment was something that was directed by your heart too. πŸ˜‰

          We have to always look at what motivates us. I think you knew that people would be providing feedback before posting πŸ˜‰ maybe that’s why you delayed posting. Maybe you want someone to validate your concerns.

          It’s a difficult circumstance you are in. I feel for you! Distance, past history are barriers.

          What does your heart tell you?

  24. Hey! Thanks for visiting, and liking, my blogs, especially the new one. I guess it’s a crazy idea, but I hope that writing this story will make a miracle come true for me. I hope you keep coming back, cause I will certainly come back to yours!

  25. Glad you enjoyed my Lunchbox blog. Good work you are doing here. There is an article by Andrew Sullivan that appeared in the UK The Guardian this week, that might interest you – about very little sex marriages. Cheers Helen

  26. I thought online dating really worked, but then, I’ve been married for thirty five years to a very sane person. Maybe I’m just a little bit out of touch. BTW, after a nighmare relationship taught me what I wanted and needed in a woman, I wrote the qualities down and meditated on attracting “The right person.” It worked I think sites like e-Harmony, Match.com, and Christian mingles can work if you really know in your heart what will work for you.

    1. You are so right David! Applying that principle to anything you want to achieve in life will manifest it.

      Online dating has become more popular, but like life you will find good and bad.

      Thanks so much for sharing your insights and inspiring us!

    1. Thanks so much Alex! You are my new cheerleader!!! I am honored to have people take notice of my work and for it to impact reader’s lives.

      I really appreciate your kindness and support! Enjoy the rest of your week & weekend!

  27. Thank you for checking my blog out. New at this but a long time Internet dater who has never found love but have great stories to share. Writing a book entitled “Tales if a Boy Addict” which is my relationships story. Please follow me. Want to connect with women who “get it”. Thank you. Leslie

    1. Glad you enjoyed my blog as much as I enjoyed yours! Thanks s much for the compliment! I really appreciate your kind words and support!

      It takes awhile for any blog to build it’s audience and structured content. I’m a scientist, so I applied the techniques that I know to my blog. I shared tips on the twitter chat, if you’d like to see the steps.

      You are a very inspirational writer! Keep up the great work!!

      1. Thank you very much.! While I was wasn’t doing anything other than simply stating facts in my post, I am going to screenshot and save your comment. It’ll keep me inspired. Thank you. You have a terrific week ahead.!

  28. Good Morning , nice to meet You and Your blog πŸ™‚ Great posts, great ideas , pleasure to be here , i wish You the best,in free time see my little place too, Regards from Poland , EM

    1. Thanks so much EM!!! Pleasure meeting you! Thanks so much for the kind words, support and well wishes! I really appreciate it!

      Your work is mind blowing!!! I don’t know which one I love more. Gravity mesmerized me! Congrats on your well deserved awards! Your talent is not just an art, it is an emotion!!!

  29. Like the “A note on tone” part.
    Great idea to include. We definitely need some universal symbol for sarcasm with all the email, text, etc. we read this days. Hard to tell sometimes when someone is being sarcastic.

      1. you’re welcome! I plan to read more of your stuff. I like your style and your intelligence. I am a stalker–oops! I mean follower (LMAO) of yours now. haha!
        I just started my blog on 4/2 – not sure about my direction but just hope to make people laugh and think about things differently. I know I need to edit more but I like my imperfections sometimes. If you know what I mean. I’m in the Boston area, you?

        1. That’s great! Welcome to the blogging world! We are a fun and supportive place πŸ™‚ Congrats on the blog! Your post cracked me up!!! I like your writing! Keep up the great work. That’s a great place to start, but you are gonna keep up with relationships?

          LOL all of us that are on social networks are stalkers πŸ™‚ I’m in NYC mostly.

          1. Thanks! And thank you SO MUCH for the kind and encouraging words! You made my day!
            Keeping up with relationships? Not good at those. Haven’t had one since Internet Explorer 6 just came out. HAHA! There’s still hope:) I’ll welcome a stalker anytime. LOL! As soon as I build of some stalkers or followers, I’ll make sure to reblog your good stuff. πŸ™‚

              1. Yeah, sad, huh? IE 6. Oh well, I guess you can say I’ve been faithful and haven’t cheated on myself lol! Although my hand has been complaining a lot about his arthritis getting worse. I guess that’s why my hand keeps clicking on the Plenty of Fish website. lol!!!!
                Have a great week! Stalk to you later. πŸ™‚

                  1. Great! Glad to make you laugh! You are the best, too!

                    Oh, maybe to can critique my work. I would love to get your feedback – the bad and the good. Of course, only if you have any spare time. If not, no worries. Also, any medication recommendations would be appreciated. LOL!!! Good night and have a great week doing what you do.This stalker is signing off.

                    1. I’d be happy to! When you can, read the #connectchat article. Wish I would’ve had that info when I first started!

                      So far it’s great stuff. It takes a bit to get engagement. I’ll send you an email if I have any suggestions! You’re doing great!

                    2. Hi Clarissa,
                      Thanks! It means a lot.
                      Just read it – great read! and very, very helpful!
                      I think I’m getting addicted to this blogging thing, which isn’t a bad addiction to have. lol!

  30. Hi Clarissa, thanks for the like on my post “Worrisome Wednesday”. I’ve enjoyed perusing through your blog and look forward to reading your future posts! Crazy to think how popular online dating has become. Your posts are very informative.

    1. Thank you for the kind words about my blog! I really appreciate it!

      I feel the same about your blog!

      Online dating doesn’t surprise me as much as selfies does. Extended arm pics used to be made fun of. The joke was that they didn’t have any friends to take the pic. Now it’s an obsession.

  31. This is rather bizarre but here goes….your name is freakishly close to my real given name….however I am in the process of changing my name legally….you liked one of my posts and your name caught my eye…just thought I would share

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