Act I of the evening
Characters: Unsuspecting Idiot #1-my friend
Unsuspecting Idiot #2-me
Random party “guest”-party crasher
Place: Luxury hotel in a metropolitan city
So I get invited to an event at an upscale luxury hotel. Picture ornate, opulence, marble entry & staircases, $800.00 a night type of place. As the night progresses and the party begins winding down, new guests arrive to the hotel. And when I say “guests” I mean the type that likes to “entertain” in exchange for getting their cell phone bill getting paid. One of the “guests” approaches one of my friends and engages in a conversation with him. He motions over to me and I walk up to them and he tries to introduce me. She turns her back on me and resumes her conversation. He pulls me into the conversation and she regretfully moves to the side, but manages to throw me shade! I’m laughing at her. I understand when people feel threatened when you’re in the same demographic because of perceived competition. But, in this case the only thing we had in common was hair color. Oh, the key here is I’M NOT A HOOKER! How do I know she’s a hooker you ask? Her hook is she was showing my friend her photography skills. What was the subject of her photography? Her sexual acts. Yes, we got to see her in random photos at some point of the sexual encounter. She turns her back to me again and asks my friend if he’s staying in the hotel and if he liked what he saw!
Wait did she just confuse me for a hooker and I’m cutting into her trick? Wait this is unacceptable behavior by any female. Did I crack her skull on the marble floor you ask? No I didn’t want to replicate her pimp’s behavior. I let her try to continue to make money on her back.
Act II of the evening
Characters: Douchebag #1-pathetic guy trying to date multiple people
Unsuspecting girl-douchebag’s + 1
Random guy-a genuinely interested in finding decent people to date
Place: A bar restaurant in a metropolitan city
Props: A drink
A cell phone
One month ago, I attend an event with a good friend of mine. As we exit the venue, I get accosted by this guy who wants to give me his card and get my phone number. I politely take his card and inform him that I don’t give out my number. To which he barks “Oh fine! Yeah sure you call me! Whatever! YOU be different!” Needless to say, I wasn’t going to be calling this guy.
So, I am at a friend’s party chatting away with this seemingly nice guy who genuinely is looking to date decent people. He offers to buy me a drink and is walking up to me with the drink and resumes the conversation. When all of a sudden guess who comes right in the middle of me and this random nice guy and gets in my face? It’s the rude guy from a month ago! Unbelievable that he could be this obnoxious! I remind him that the last time I saw him he was exceptionally rude similar to now. What does he do? Doesn’t apologize says he really wants to get to know me. “So does this guy right here. Take care.”
I resume my conversation with random nice guy while he just stands there. I move away and he comes in between us again. Before I can even say anything, a girl walks up to him and says “I’ve been texting you! How come you haven’t answered?” My eyes widen in anticipation of what this shit show is gonna reveal. The random nice guy makes me step away and we resume our conversation. The girl comes over to us and vents to us about how she’s dating him and he wasn’t answering his phone. We empathized and the random nice guy says “we don’t know him, but he was harassing her.” Ding, ding, ding! Round 2. She furiously begins calling him again and walks off somewhere. Maybe 10 minutes later he comes back up to us and apologies for being disrespectful. He continues by explaining that they were just friends, that she didn’t want to be left alone at the party and he really doesn’t understand why she acted that way. “I really didn’t want you to have the wrong impression of me. I’m a really honest guy. I’m heading out of here to meet with another friend of mine. Nice seeing you again.” I’m relieved. “Have a good night.” He stands there and starts texting. We begin to walk away when I see the girl coming towards the douchebag. Naturally, I had to stay. She goes right up to him and snatches his phone right out of his hand and she starts to scan his phone. While he tries to retrieve his phone, she throws her drink on him! He exits stage left and she tells us that she was hooking up with him for awhile and it wasn’t working out. She threw a drink at him for making plans with another girl while they are on a date! I had front row seats to the shit show!