- The emotionally and financially needy types. Emotional and financial neediness makes you attract co-dependent relationships that, in the long run, don’t fill either of these needs. Both emotional and financial need can be addressed in the short-term (money can be earned and support can be given), but it establishes a false sense of security in the long-term.
Although emotional and financial neediness takes time to overcome and seems harder, so is divorce. Which will land you in the same category anyway 🙂 It’s better to overcome some of the hardships you encounter so that you can experience the true happiness you wanted in the first place. - Fixers. Stop trying to fix people. You didn’t break them to begin with. Change can happen if the person: a) wants it or b) life forces it of them. You can be a change catalyst if the person is at either of these points in their lives. Other than that, you can’t correct other people’s fucked-upness to your partner.
- Sex your feelings away types. Know your worth. If you treat your vag or dick like it’s a common sandwich, why would it surprise you that you aren’t relationship material? You’re deluding yourself and expect the world to give you the opposite of what you say you want and are doing. Level with yourself and others. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship because you’ve been hurt or aren’t emotionally ready for one. Sexing your feelings away doesn’t get at resolving the core issue. For some, it creates a whole set of new issues.
- Insecure types. Insecurity makes you stop seeking and makes you start settling. You may not even realize you have started settling because you may have created a relationship that makes you comfortable in your insecurity. If you are controlling or obsessively jealous, the other person will adapt a pattern to avoid confrontation of your insecurity. Ultimately, though, you’ve created a relationship that won’t really address the core issues of your insecurity.
- Cheating types. If someone cheats, they’re designed to do it again and again. It’s got nothing to do with you, it’s their ego trying to fill a void. If you’re filling that void through people, re-read #3.
Are you secretly dating any of these types?
Most relationship failures are related to some unresolved pain caused by someone else that you may have repressed. Most of the time when we are dating we don’t realize that we’re learning more about ourselves. Unexpressed emotions are some of the keys that keep us from finding our ideal partner. However, most of us don’t deal with the source of what caused the pain in past failed relationships which sometimes creates patterns and cycles. Here are a few of the top unexpressed emotions that delay our happiness.
Insecurities are created from past experiences that could be from childhood, past relationships, former marriages, any life event that made you feel you were less than what you really are. You then took this definition and began designing yourself around it for years. When you compare yourself to others, you are already working from a deficit perspective and wonder why everyone else seems to get what they want, yet you don’t. The way people remedy that? By controlling factors in other’s lives that they can’t control for in their own lives. It’s easy to constantly look at someone else, talk about what they have and not create it in your own life.
Expectations=Underlying resentment
Resentment occurs because you expected one set of outcomes and go the opposite or worse than what you anticipated. Which is a function of life: things don’t always go the way we planned it or wanted it to be. How do some of us deal with life not turning out the way we want? By creating new expectations :). Expectations becomes a form of defense mechanism to prevent some from experiencing deep seated resentment when things and people fail them.
Anger=Misdirected expression
The expression of anger is usually due to a cumulative of life events that you experienced that you thought were unfair. Usually these past life events and its impact on the person span over decades: childhood trauma, abusive parents, sexual trauma, death of a parent, or disease. How do you resolve being treated unfairly? By treating others unfairly :). Instead of dealing with what caused the hurt, some find it easier to direct it towards others as a way to resolve their pain.
Codependency=Lack of support
In the case of codependency, the lack of support has to do with not having people around them that understands them. When they do meet someone that understands them and they can share their true selves with, that person becomes their new addiction. It’s created because people want to feel real connection. How do some deal with not cultivating the right people around them? By people pleasing the one’s that let you consistently not grow. People that are codependent usually seek validation, but they ascribe it to the wrong person.