What I learned in the past decade

I started this site nearly 10 years ago out of necessity! I was struggling with my own poor decision-making and frustrated with my dating patterns. Ten years later, I developed a 6-week system called Your Happiness Hypothesis aka the H20 method based on an algorithm I started developing on this very blog. I am so grateful for your support throughout all of these years!

I started exploring all of my theories and conducted experiments on this blog on myself for everyone’s benefit 🙂 I wanted to be raw, open, and supportive for all of us going through the same challenges and frustrations. Here’s the thing: you’re just a dumbass was a conversation I had with myself and other times it was about people I chose. I had to laugh at my irrationality because I spent many years crying over the choices I made.

Today, I can honestly celebrate so many reasons I am grateful to have started this blog: it led me to my husband, I scrutinized every aspect of dating in a research study of 5,000 singles that gained me over 900 media credits in just a few years and was deeply inspired by so many of you that gave me courage to keep taking risk and being vulnerable. 

Here’s a few things I learned and continue to learn about behavior: we can rationalize any relationship if we desire it that badly, our tolerance for other people’s bs behavior changes as we get older, and dating is data. 

Don’t be afraid to take risks! The future you and the future of your happiness will thank you!

What does the job market and relationships have in common with the Presidential Debate?

Uncertainty. Why? Because there is high instability in the economy, job market, relationships and almost all aspects of life and no viable solution in sight. Yes, the days of life-long employment are long gone. But, that was shifting over a decade now. Back in my day 🙂 I had to walk 7 miles in the snow barefoot to get to work 🙂 lol I was treating my career as though I was entrepreneurial. Each job was hierarchical in salary and title lending to broader marketability and skill sets. Searching for love requires the same level of detail as reviewing a job offer.

You’ll go through clauses in your contract looking for loop holes, right? You won’t accept terms you don’t want, right? Why apply a different barometer to dating? Why not approach dating like you would a job offer? Or are we? Are we accepting any offer just because it’s an offer? Personality drives profession and partner selection. The key to success in either area is self-awareness. At least according to Gary Vaynerchuck 🙂 Are we opting out of romance or dating for ghosting, benching, gas lighting [insert other dating pattern bs here]? For some, sex has become a screener, your genitals have no value, and photoshop is self-improvement. Technology drives dating patterns, behavior and sex. Why not create your own personal algorithm? bm2om50plo

Approach online and IRL dating like it’s a social experiment. It really IS. Treat dating like you are collecting data on what you want and don’t want. See what combinations of qualities and characteristics better complement you. Approaching dating as though it is testing out what I call, Your Happiness Hypothesis, can help minimize some of your own expectations. Create an equation (just like the dating sites) that includes the elements that you absolutely require (fixed variable) and the elements that you think you want (random variable). Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires.

For example: a friend of mine has the following requirements of the men she dates: ivy educated, graduate degree, professional, shared religion, family-oriented, certain age range, & certain height requirements. Physical appearance, sense of humor, adventurous, and work-life balance are not priorities for her. Identify the elements that you think you must have and those that you’d like to have.  You might find that dating based on a system testing out your happiness hypothesis, will help you figure out what is a better fit for yourself. Reversing the process of what random pool gets sent to you or selects you.

PokeDates: Meet people not profiles!

Tired of meeting people only to find that they don’t look like their photos, or age, or height? PokeDates can fix that! PokeDates is based on meeting in real life, sharing interest in PokemonGo, and just showing up!

“At Project Fixup [the creators of PokeDates], we believe that dating should be about getting out there, meeting new people, and enjoying the world around… not sitting on your computer browsing, swiping, and messaging back and forth. Project Fixup is about OFFline dating, and saving you the hours of time you would spend online to end up with the same date.” – See more at: https://www.projectfixup.com/pokedates/#sthash.yoW4i0Nu.dpuf  I love it! No more dealing with fake profiles or trying to figure out what you have in common. First attempt is free, $20 afterwards.

To get started all you have to do is create your PokeProfile! If anyone trying out this new app, let me know your stories!

1     Answer a few questions

Get started by taking our short questionnaire so we know a bit about who you are, what you’re looking for, and what you like to do. Once your questionnaire is complete, it will be reviewed and approved by your fixup specialist.

2     Share your schedule

Once you’ve been approved by the fixup specialist, you’ll be eligible to get fixed up. All you need to do is update your availability so we know when you’re free. Once your calendar is up to date, we will start working to find someone we think you’d like to meet and set you up on your first fixup.

3     Confirm your fixup

You’ll get an email with all the details of your fixup, including a convenient time and place to meet. If everything looks good, just click confirm and you’ll be all set. You’ll only get charged if the fixup is confirmed by both people – there are no subscriptions or hidden fees. Fixups start at just $20.

4     Have fun

Just show up at the right place and time to discover somewhere fun – from your city’s best craft beer bars to their most underrated taco joints – with someone new. Each week, you can have a different unique experience with an interesting person. Trust us, it’s a much better way to spend your free time than in front of your computer screen.

Want to improve your OKC profile? Christian Rudder tells us how.

I recently had the honor of being a panelist with Christian Rudder, OkCupid‘s co-founder, on HuffPost Live about his new book Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). On http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/christian-rudder-okcupid-cofounder-dataclysm/53da6a2002a760346200058e  , I had a chance to ask Christian the burning question we all want to know: what are some of the reasons that people represent themselves as what they want you to see rather than the real person that will emerge in a relationship?

Christian attributes that to be something that is part of real life and human nature. He also added that the advantages of OKC is that people can meet each other in real life and determine chemistry quickly. I was hoping that he was going to provide stats about the discrepancy and maybe discuss some of the ways their algorithm may refine the process. Darn 🙁 Screenshot 2014-09-12 at 2.46.55 PM

Other highlights from the interview:

*Women search for men closer to their age, while men regardless of their age still seek 22 year olds. Christian attributes that to men still not growing up and that models in magazines are that age. Check out Dr Drew’s take: http://www.hlntv.com/video/2014/09/11/ok-cupid-online-dating-age-women-men-attraction

*50 year old men don’t usually contact 20 year old women for the realities of a higher rejection rate.

*The hot or not feature is not designed to have everyone flocking to the most popular person on the site, it’s designed to give everyone a chance to pair off with what they find most attractive.

*OKC does not manipulate factual data such as age, sexual orientation, they alter minor details like size of photo to help users have better compatibility results based on their desired characteristics.

Check out the full video for more behind the scenes insights on OKC and let me know what you think.  http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/christian-rudder-okcupid-cofounder-dataclysm/53da6a2002a760346200058e  

Wow! I’ve Been Nominated For 2014 Small Business Influencer Awards

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Silva, Clarissa Nominated For 2014 Small Business Influencer Awards

Cleveland, OH, August 29, 2014 – Silva, Clarissa has been nominated for the 2014 Small Business Influencer Awards in the category of Experts.

Nominated-SBIThe Small Business Influencer Awards honor those who are influential to small businesses in North America, through the products, services, knowledge, information or support they provide to the small business market.

The Awards are designed to recognize the unsung heroes of small businesses – those who support and encourage entrepreneurs and small business owners, and help them achieve success and stay successful.

Says Anita Campbell, CEO of Small Business Trends and one of the co-founders of the Awards along with Ramon Ray of SmallBizTechnology.com, “Influencers are those who play crucial roles in the small business ecosystem, but who often are in the background. Many of the nominees are themselves small business owners, entrepreneurs or small businesses. The impact of the Awards goes well beyond nominees, however – the awards also encourage and excite the nominees’ employees. The Awards are intended to provide that added little boost in motivation and morale that can make a big difference in results. Being nominated also distinguishes the nominee from competitors, and in that sense can lead to competitive advantage.”

About the Small Business Influencer Awards

The Small Business Influencer Awards, now in their third year, enable the small business community to nominate and show their support for those that influence and support them. The Awards have an open nomination period, with community voting, and then a judging period by a group of industry-knowledgeable judges.

The Small Business Influencer Awards initiative is produced by Small Business Trends, an award-winning online publication, serving over 6,000,000 small business owners, stakeholders and entrepreneurs annually, and SmallBizTechnology.com, a media company that produces online content and live events educating small and mid-sized companies on how to strategically use technology as a tool to grow their businesses. The Awards can be found on the Web at: SMBInfluencers.com.

Vote for Clarissa Silva on her main page: http://influencers.smallbiztrends.com/experts-2014/silva-clarissa-2/.

CONTACT:

Anita Campbell, Co-Founder

Small Business Influencer Awards

admin@smallbiztrends.com

Twitter hashtag: #SMBInfluencer

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