Sex with a Brazilian woman

Random guy at a bar starts chatting me up. Tells me all about his living arrangements, relocation drama, & work. Tells me how German laws are very lenient around manslaughter. How did we get to this topic, you ask? “Well, in Germany you can rape children and only be put on probation.” Really? “I’ll give you an example. A friend of mine who is involved with the Russian mob, was chasing a guy down to beat him with a bat. The victim is naturally running away, but gets hit by a car and becomes paralyzed for life. My friend served no sentence in prison. He was just put on probation.”

“Wow. Any other secrets you want to tell me about?”

“Yes. I have a bucket list.”

“Oh yeah? It doesn’t involve maiming anyone does it?”

“No. I’d like to have sex with a Brazilian women [meaning me].” So, if you can let me know within the next half hour if that can happen. I’m staying in this hotel.”

“Looks like you’ll be masturbating to the idea, then.”

“You mean you would turn down good sex?”

“Good bye!”

I told you this ridiculous story to tell you this. After telling me about his own shady run ins with the law, that he has taken every drug known to man, and that he had a recipe for crystal meth on him; he thought it was gonna get him laid? Oh and that he is good sex, according to him. People: Am I crazy?

Coke & Porn

Went out on a date with this guy who has had interest in me for a while. During the course of the date, he informs me that his coke habit is now reduced and that he is improving his lifestyle all together. Great! Then he delves into his requirements while he is on coke. First, he needs to be alone and realized that he was isolating himself from many of his friends. Makes sense.

coke

The second reason he has to be alone is because he needs to watch porn to relax while on cocaine! “Really? But aren’t they both stimulants?” “Yes, but you can’t get hard while on coke.”  “Right.”

After the date is over, he informs that he is not interested in anything exclusive or a committed thing. Really?  Wait! I thought it was perfectly acceptable to be in an exclusive isolated relationship with your coke habit and porn collection!