- The emotionally and financially needy types. Emotional and financial neediness makes you attract co-dependent relationships that, in the long run, don’t fill either of these needs. Both emotional and financial need can be addressed in the short-term (money can be earned and support can be given), but it establishes a false sense of security in the long-term.
Although emotional and financial neediness takes time to overcome and seems harder, so is divorce. Which will land you in the same category anyway 🙂 It’s better to overcome some of the hardships you encounter so that you can experience the true happiness you wanted in the first place. - Fixers. Stop trying to fix people. You didn’t break them to begin with. Change can happen if the person: a) wants it or b) life forces it of them. You can be a change catalyst if the person is at either of these points in their lives. Other than that, you can’t correct other people’s fucked-upness to your partner.
- Sex your feelings away types. Know your worth. If you treat your vag or dick like it’s a common sandwich, why would it surprise you that you aren’t relationship material? You’re deluding yourself and expect the world to give you the opposite of what you say you want and are doing. Level with yourself and others. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship because you’ve been hurt or aren’t emotionally ready for one. Sexing your feelings away doesn’t get at resolving the core issue. For some, it creates a whole set of new issues.
- Insecure types. Insecurity makes you stop seeking and makes you start settling. You may not even realize you have started settling because you may have created a relationship that makes you comfortable in your insecurity. If you are controlling or obsessively jealous, the other person will adapt a pattern to avoid confrontation of your insecurity. Ultimately, though, you’ve created a relationship that won’t really address the core issues of your insecurity.
- Cheating types. If someone cheats, they’re designed to do it again and again. It’s got nothing to do with you, it’s their ego trying to fill a void. If you’re filling that void through people, re-read #3.
I needed this. Thank you
So glad you found it helpful, Kendell! Thank you! Hope you have a great one!
Interesting article and even more interesting writing style. I love how straight forward and to the point you are.
Thanks so much for the compliment, Roger! I really appreciate your feedback and support. I figured this method was better than a boring clinical approach. I am more interested in helping as many people as I can through my work. So, I opted for a direct no bullshit approach. 🙂
Yes I appreciate your straightforwardness , I’m all for tact but sometimes people are so in denial they need a a good shaking up
Thank you so much Kelly! I appreciate your honest feedback and support! I agree with you and tried to structure the blog in ways to help people realize that they are in suboptimal situations. I thought the best way to do that is structure the blog as though I was having a conversation with myself. At some point in life, we need to stop deluding ourselves and seek out real happiness! My goal for this blog was just that 🙂 Have a great one!
Love this! I can appreciate the “on the table” frankness because too many people try to church it up so much that the ones who need to hear the advice don’t get the point!
Thanks so much txbridgefarmer! I really appreciate the support and honest feedback! I especailly appreciate that you found the article helpful!
1 and 4 may be (not always) indicative of mental illness for which people should be helped and supported to receive help. Otherwise, some great advice that too many people ignore.
Thanks for the compliment, CUCH! I really appreciate it.
Since I am a clinician and not treating the blog as a clinical setting, I am not creating lists of diagnostic symptoms for mental illness. I am offering insights based on my observation. Don’t want anyone to use any of my data as an index. That is unethical.
of course, agreed. Did you realise you double-posted this comment btw?
Thanks for letting me know 🙂
Very good article,thanks
Thank you, Ed! I really appreciate it!
This is a good approach. I like the way you write with a boldness that is not typical. I think your gifted and want to thank you for sharing it.
Wow! Thank you, Dawn, for the compliment and kind words about my blog and writing style. I really appreciate it! I started off this blog hoping to help as many as I can. I learned the hard way and wished I would’ve been told these things earlier 🙂
Thanks for making my day! Hope you have a great one!
Yes, I like the no nonsense approach.
Thanks so much Michael! I really appreciate your kind words and support! So happy to know that my work and style is helpful! Have a great one!
I think to a certain extent deep down we are all emotionally needy. That said you don’t want someone who is clingy. Insecurity and cheating types really are types to avoid though. Really great post!
Thanks so much for your insightful comments Jonathan! I really appreciate your sharing your thoughts with us! I agree wholeheartedly that we do need emotional attachments to be healthier and happier people. And we don’t need to have them at the expense of ourselves! I think many of us don’t see the red flags of emotional codependence and try to create happiness in an unhappy situation.
Going to check out your blog next! Hope you have a great one!