PokeDates: Meet people not profiles!

Tired of meeting people only to find that they don’t look like their photos, or age, or height? PokeDates can fix that! PokeDates is based on meeting in real life, sharing interest in PokemonGo, and just showing up!

“At Project Fixup [the creators of PokeDates], we believe that dating should be about getting out there, meeting new people, and enjoying the world around… not sitting on your computer browsing, swiping, and messaging back and forth. Project Fixup is about OFFline dating, and saving you the hours of time you would spend online to end up with the same date.” – See more at: https://www.projectfixup.com/pokedates/#sthash.yoW4i0Nu.dpuf I love it! No more dealing with fake profiles or trying to figure out what you have in common. First attempt is free, $20 afterwards.

To get started all you have to do is create your PokeProfile! If anyone trying out this new app, let me know your stories!


1 Answer a few questions Get started by taking our short questionnaire so we know a bit about who you are, what you’re looking for, and what you like to do. Once your questionnaire is complete, it will be reviewed and approved by your fixup specialist.
2 Share your schedule Once you’ve been approved by the fixup specialist, you’ll be eligible to get fixed up. All you need to do is update your availability so we know when you’re free. Once your calendar is up to date, we will start working to find someone we think you’d like to meet and set you up on your first fixup.
3 Confirm your fixup You’ll get an email with all the details of your fixup, including a convenient time and place to meet. If everything looks good, just click confirm and you’ll be all set. You’ll only get charged if the fixup is confirmed by both people – there are no subscriptions or hidden fees. Fixups start at just $20.
4 Have fun Just show up at the right place and time to discover somewhere fun – from your city’s best craft beer bars to their most underrated taco joints – with someone new. Each week, you can have a different unique experience with an interesting person. Trust us, it’s a much better way to spend your free time than in front of your computer screen.

Top 5 ironic reasons you aren’t finding the right one

Summer’s here so people try to blame the weather for not wanting to commit (aka the break-up season). The summer isn’t the reason you can’t find the right type. The reason is simple: it’s the irony we create about love and relationships. Here are 5 examples of what holds some people back and how to change it:

Some people allow one past relationship to disallow their future relationships and happiness. Re-read that statement. Does it sound like it makes sense? Doesn’t it sound paradoxical? Aren’t you looking for happiness? Aren’t you seeking out that one right person? By allowing one person to determine your future is delaying your happiness. Isn’t that counter-productive to your goal? The next time you find yourself thinking about the negative aspects of your past relationships, meditate on this mantra: Chalk it up to your ex’s inability to handle your greatness 🙂
Your heart will keep seeking love, but your brain will identify patterns and stop you from seeking love. Harmonize the two by creating a list of the patterns you see. Sometimes you will find that these patterns reveal what you think you need and not what you want. Pay attention only to the aspects that you need. That part is responding to your nature and character. What you think you want is responding to your past experiences.
Credit: Teddy Kelley
You realize you took for granted someone that is gone and that becomes the very thing you want. Here the solution is simple: you’re just a dumbass. Each person we encounter makes us either realize something about ourselves or inspires us to be better people because of the nature of how they make us feel about ourselves. If you encounter someone that makes you a better person and you didn’t recognize that, ummm what’s my blog called? 🙂 Don’t fret. What is designed for you doesn’t disappear. Keep track of what you wish you still had and seek it out in someone else.
You’re seeking happiness, but wind up settling. Deep down inside, when you’re settling, you know it. Sometimes people convince themselves that it is ok; other times they realize that they want more, but don’t think they can get it. In either case, why live only partially happy?
The very type you don’t initially find attractive is the one you wind up with. Several studies show that when you ask successfully married people where physical attraction ranks in the scale of their relationship, initial looks ranks really low. Don’t believe me? Check out eHarmony’s take: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/little-physical-attraction-deal-breaker/#.V2sAaOsrIlg Moral of the story: Stop treating people like they are your social networking streams. Focusing on the shiniest object. If you are checking them out based on their looks, chances are so are another 100 other people.

Is Tinder cheating on itself? Super Like?

Tinder has been under some heat lately with the app being associated with increases in STD rates and destroying millennials dating experiences. So, what does Tinder do? Create a new feature called Super Like. “We wanted Super Likes to be really special while making sure everyone can use them, so to start we’re giving Tinder users one Super Like to send each day. ” -Tinder blog

Yup that’s right, now you can reach out to one person a day and hope they respond to you, too. Is this Tinder’s attempt to make the site more monogamous?

In a recent HuffPostLive segment, I got to share my thoughts on Tinder’s new feature Super Like: http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/why-does-tinder-have-a-new-super-like-function/521e53bbfe344436f2000120

Let’s look at it from a feature improvement point: the #1 complaint women have about Tinder is the non-relationship responses they get/the direct hook-up responses that the app is known to be. Super Like may improve the probability of getting less unwarranted communication from users.

From a female user experience point, Super Like as a feature may be an empowering one for women that know what they want. You are running probability on these sites, a distinguishing feature like “I’m not bsing on here don’t bother to contact me if it’s not similar interests” can change the script that is currently being designed in dating. {That women play a passive role and have to be reliant on men discarding them for more kinky and/or shopped photos.}

Tinder was created by the same group that created Grindr, the gay hook-up app. All it did was apply that same principle to the hetero world. Should it have changed their business model before now? Would they have laughed all the way to the bank?

By changing the behavior of the users of the app, it will change the dating experience of the users. Perhaps, women will feel less devalued and men will get more real responses. Ultimately, they will get closer to finding a relationship. What do you think? Is Tinder cheating on itself?

5 types to avoid

The emotionally and financially needy types. Emotional and financial neediness makes you attract co-dependent relationships that, in the long run, don’t fill either of these needs. Both emotional and financial need can be addressed in the short-term (money can be earned and support can be given), but it establishes a false sense of security in the long-term. Although emotional and financial neediness takes time to overcome and seems harder, so is divorce. Which will land you in the same category anyway 🙂 It’s better to overcome some of the hardships you encounter so that you can experience the true happiness you wanted in the first place.
Fixers. Stop trying to fix people. You didn’t break them to begin with. Change can happen if the person: a) wants it or b) life forces it of them. You can be a change catalyst if the person is at either of these points in their lives. Other than that, you can’t correct other people’s fucked-upness to your partner.
Sex your feelings away types. Know your worth. If you treat your vag or dick like it’s a common sandwich, why would it surprise you that you aren’t relationship material? You’re deluding yourself and expect the world to give you the opposite of what you say you want and are doing. Level with yourself and others. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship because you’ve been hurt or aren’t emotionally ready for one. Sexing your feelings away doesn’t get at resolving the core issue. For some, it creates a whole set of new issues.
Insecure types. Insecurity makes you stop seeking and makes you start settling. You may not even realize you have started settling because you may have created a relationship that makes you comfortable in your insecurity. If you are controlling or obsessively jealous, the other person will adapt a pattern to avoid confrontation of your insecurity. Ultimately, though, you’ve created a relationship that won’t really address the core issues of your insecurity.
Cheating types. If someone cheats, they’re designed to do it again and again. It’s got nothing to do with you, it’s their ego trying to fill a void. If you’re filling that void through people, re-read #3.

Ahhhh the tangled web we weave

I have to say that I wasn’t surprised that a site like Ashley Madison existed, but that the Impact Team hacked it for the greater good, did. “Will The Impact Team be hacking any other sites in the future? If so, what targets or sort of targets do you have in mind?
Not just sites. Any companies that make 100s of millions profiting off pain of others, secrets, and lies. Maybe corrupt politicians. If we do, it will be a long time, but it will be total.” Impact Team to Motherboard.vice.com

hmmm So, what did this grand social experiment demonstrate? Nothing new. That some people who want to cheat will? Let’s look at other not-so-surprising details. People are shocked that the site contained fake female profiles? Of the 37M users, only 5.5M were women. If you go onto POF, some men start their profile with DON’T CONTACT ME IF YOU’RE FAKE.

Ok, let’s look at what other things shock people. That people paid for privacy and their data was revealed? Wait. What?!?! You mean to tell me that someone created a business model capitalizing on your indiscretion and desires for a profit on the INTERNET?!?! You mean they took your money and never did what they said they would do? Paid delete=the Nigerian Embassy wants to give you 3.3M USD.

Of course, when you are looking to be discreet, you naturally log on during work hours, right? Sure, but from your work email or computer? AND you work in the government? OR better yet, you build your platform around family values?

Oh, the CEO stepped down? No way. Could it be all of the encounters he had off the site, the massive law suits, or the threats he’s getting by the minute? “Life is short, Noel Biderman. Have an affair.”

Oh ok, since you didn’t think any of that might happen, let me tell you what might happen next: divorce, losing your home, losing half your shit, and maybe joint custody. Gee, isn’t that what you were trying to avoid?

Divorce lawyers and the housing market thanks you.

YOU’RE JUST A DUMBASS

Single on Valentine’s Day? Dr Ruth can fix that!

I recently had the honor of being a panelist with Dr. Ruth on Huff Post Live http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/archive/segment/54dd085d78c90a7445000372! For decades, Dr. Ruth has been offering advice on how to improve our relationships and our sex lives. She is still hilarious and amazing! I asked her to share some tips on how to improve our experience with online dating and she shared her advice.

1. Don’t give out your address 🙂

2. Don’t share naked pictures. Read: No dick pics

3. Meet in a public place. Either a hotel lobby or laundry mat 🙂 Yes, laundry mat 🙂 She said that’s the new pick-up joint! Head to the laundry mat and start chatting up singles 🙂

She dished out on many topics. What does she think of Fifty Shades of Grey? “Not the best piece of literature.” But, the book helps the world understand that women are aroused by erotica and that women are being empowered to take part in their sexual satisfaction. Read: stop faking orgasms 🙂

Watch the full segment here: http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/dr-ruth-valentines-day-advice-interview/54b54e7c2b8c2a53190000f3

Wishing you all a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance!

Want to get some lovin’ on Valentine’s day? Do ANY of these

Want to get some lovin’ on Valentine’s Day? Here’s some quick gift ideas to help you out:

If you’re looking for her favorite perfume, check which perfume bottles are almost empty. Pick one of those.
If you’re looking for his favorite sports team, check out his DVR schedule.
If you can’t get reservations at your favorite date spot, set up candle light dinner in the bedroom.
Looking for a combo gift? Get a his and her spa day gift certificate.

Happy Valentine’s day!

5 things you can do right now to change your online dating experience

1. Don’t force fit someone into your life because you are experiencing online dating fatigue. The process of several serial dates with people that you lack chemistry with or experience rejection from people that you think are potential candidates can be very frustrating and result in online dating fatigue. Where you just want to quit for awhile till you regroup. It’s totally understandable. Take a break, if you feel you need it. But, don’t let the fatigue inform who you choose.

2. Meet in real life. The point of online dating is to date, not to have a epenpal. If you haven’t gone on a date after a lengthy back and forth, cut it off. Two things are happening to you while you epenpal: 1) you are creating a false reality about who is behind the device and 2) you are delaying your own happiness by dealing with someone that isn’t on the same page.

3. Diversify your dating approach. Don’t just rely on online dating as the only method of meeting someone. That will create online dating fatigue quickly. Include in your strategy both online and offline because love is a complicated process and has no formula. We can’t create the when and where. We just have to be there.

4. Approach online dating like it’s a social experiment. It really IS. Treat dating like you are collecting data on what you want and don’t want. See what combinations of qualities and characteristics better complement you. Approaching dating as though it is testing out our happiness hypothesis or algorithm can help minimize some of our own expectations. Create an equation (just like the dating sites) that includes the elements that you absolutely require (fixed variable) and the elements that you think you want (random variable). Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires.

5. This is the grand daddy of them all! Ready? Men, listen to me: don’t lie about your height. Women hate when you lie about inches 🙂 The reality is that men over 6’0″ in US society is about 15%. Seems like 100% online 🙂

Want to improve your OKC profile? Christian Rudder tells us how.

I recently had the honor of being a panelist with Christian Rudder, OkCupid‘s co-founder, on HuffPost Live about his new book Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). On http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/christian-rudder-okcupid-cofounder-dataclysm/53da6a2002a760346200058e , I had a chance to ask Christian the burning question we all want to know: what are some of the reasons that people represent themselves as what they want you to see rather than the real person that will emerge in a relationship?

Christian attributes that to be something that is part of real life and human nature. He also added that the advantages of OKC is that people can meet each other in real life and determine chemistry quickly. I was hoping that he was going to provide stats about the discrepancy and maybe discuss some of the ways their algorithm may refine the process. Darn 🙁

Other highlights from the interview:

*Women search for men closer to their age, while men regardless of their age still seek 22 year olds. Christian attributes that to men still not growing up and that models in magazines are that age. Check out Dr Drew’s take: http://www.hlntv.com/video/2014/09/11/ok-cupid-online-dating-age-women-men-attraction

*50 year old men don’t usually contact 20 year old women for the realities of a higher rejection rate.

*The hot or not feature is not designed to have everyone flocking to the most popular person on the site, it’s designed to give everyone a chance to pair off with what they find most attractive.

*OKC does not manipulate factual data such as age, sexual orientation, they alter minor details like size of photo to help users have better compatibility results based on their desired characteristics.

Check out the full video for more behind the scenes insights on OKC and let me know what you think. http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/christian-rudder-okcupid-cofounder-dataclysm/53da6a2002a760346200058e

Is there a science to love?

I recently had the honor of participating on HuffPost Live’s segment “How We Can Understand Love Through Science” with Dr. Sue Johnson. Dr. Johnson’s book, Love Sense, is a result of her groundbreaking research on our emotional bonds and attachment styles. Love Sense “presents new scientific evidence that tells us that humans are meant to mate for life. Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our “love sense”–our ability to develop long-lasting relationships. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival.” -Little, Brown and Company

Dr. Johnson says that she wrote this book as both a guide and a warning. Tune in to hear about her views on sex, dating, love, and the impact social media plays on our relationships. http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/third-metric-thrive-on-live-love-sense-dr-sue-johnson/5363f31f02a7604eae00045c She’s concerned about our relationships in the age of technology because “it is making people lonelier and more isolated”. I asked her what her thoughts were on online dating and why single women are having difficulty finding sincere men. I see it as a function of online dating. We treat online dating like we do our social media streams and select only the images that stand out to us. Is it related to a faulty attachment style? Tune in to hear Dr. Johnson’s take.

What do you think? Are we selecting people based on superficial qualities and discounting other factors? Do you think online dating makes it easier to run game? What frustrates you the most about online dating?

YOU'RE JUST A DUMBASS

Date smarter.