Stop dating assholes!

Let me give you the timeframe: coke & porn and bucket list boy were all within 1 week. I am a firm believer in giving people opportunities.

A friend of mine said “Listen, we all date assholes till we meet the right one.” At the time I thought it was a harsh statement, but he’s right. Not that the people I date are assholes; because who we choose to date is a reflection of who we are and what we think we want. While dating, we are really testing out the combination of qualities, characteristics, and life desires we are looking for. We discover the things that we thought we wanted might not be what we need.

Approaching dating as though it is testing out our happiness hypothesis or algorithm can help minimize some of our own expectations. Create an equation that includes the elements that you absolutely require (fixed variable) and the elements that you think you want (random variable). Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires. For example: a friend of mine has the following requirements of the men she dates: ivy educated, graduate degree, professional, shared religion, family-oriented, certain age range, & certain height requirements. Physical appearance, sense of humor, adventurous, and work-life balance are not priorities for her. Identify the elements that you think you must have and those that you’d like to have.  You might find that dating based on a system testing out your happiness hypothesis, will help you figure out what is a better fit for yourself.

The other elements about finding the right person are far more complex. Being in the right frame of mind + the right place + the right time + right chemistry + the person also possessing the right set of characteristics.

You might also find that you will feel less pressure on making the wrong person fit the model and essentially you’ll stop dating assholes.

24 thoughts on “Stop dating assholes!

  1. Haha! I love the way you describe dating as a way of “testing out our happiness hypothesis.” That is exactly what it is! I’ve been trying to explain this idea to people since I’ve started dating again, but I never had the right words. From now on I’ll just send them here!

    1. Thanks Danika! Glad it is helpful. I came up with this concept after years of frustration in my own life and clients’ lives!

      Thanks for the love and spreading the word! I really appreciate it!

      Keep me udpated on your dating adventures! All the best love!

  2. It took me a while before I met the right lady… She remembered me from high school and 15 years since we had last seen each other randomly hit me up on Facebook. We talked, got together and fell in love immediately. Our 8-month anniversary is on the 7th.

  3. Recently read your blogs on goggle and on your own website. I agree…so much we are doing wrong in relationships. I too had that problem or complex…until my male friend had told me its says more of who you are then about them. Back then i had the” list”, my 98 old grandmother used to say that my list wasnt real…she always told me no1 is perfect and that you dont have to date assholes to get to the true one…if you know what you want the first time…then you pursue it…but he famous line is remember a man is the hunter…do not chase after him…you let him do the chasing. JUST wanted to say keep telling the truth.

  4. Just wow! Using a dating site to check off items on a bucket list? How disrespectful. This asshole has no respect for women. Feel sorry for you that you were objectified.

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